Showing posts with label study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label study. Show all posts

Assignment Season

Monday, October 28, 2013
I mentioned a little while ago that I was going to be a bit MIA with this blog and my youtube channel while I go through assignment season, and that seems to be coming true. I am glad I gave myself the space to do that because as much as I love writing for this blog and doing videos and such, I can't imagine trying to do all that plus complete assignments, readings, homework, and continue my career of a professional sick person at the same time.

And that's what I have really noticed lately: so many people I know and care for are going through assignment season right now, and they are experiencing high levels of stress and anguish over this. Some even have exams to prepare for after that.

Don't get me wrong, I am susceptible to assignment season freak out, too. Last week I panicked for days about the fact that I needed rest so much more than anything else, and built up everything I had to do into this ginormous ball of impossible, until one day I sat down and looked at my to-do list and realised I was actually pretty on top of everything.

So, I am just writing a little post to all those lovely people engaging in assignment season freak out times:

Dear lovely you,

I know there's much to be done, and I know it feels like an insurmountable task. I hear you. I feel how scared you are of failing, of getting it wrong and having to do it again, of not getting it just right.

I know. I hear you.

What if, just for a minute, you looked at this differently. You see it for the task that it is, not the thing that could mean the end of a career or the failure of your life.

What if you could see it as a little molehill instead of a mountain - a problem waiting for its solution.

Assignment season isn't about weighing you down and making you feel like you can't get there - that you'll never get there. It's about testing what you're made of, how you can work through something. And there are many different ways of passing.

And I think one of the best ways of passing is showing that you can stop and breathe once in awhile. That you can look at the rest of society caught up in the game they've made of life and just realise that your world doesn't rest on this assignment or on this test. It rests wherever you want it to - it is whatever you make it.

And for those moments where it all seems a bit too much, I hope you'll have the strength and the courage to just give yourself some time to rest. Because you know what? Resting is part of the process. Without sleep, we would function at less than half of what we're capable of. Without creative expression and joy? I don't know if we'd really be functioning at all.

So, my lovely person, I wish you much creative expression, rest, and joy for this assignment season - with just a touch of hard work and determination to balance, and some clear thinking just because - and good luck with it all.

Love,

Bethwyn.

Small absence~

Sunday, June 9, 2013


Dear readers (as I have been convinced that I do, in fact, HAVE readers),

as this week will be my last week of doing uni work for this semester, I am going to take a brief hiatus for what has been tenderly nicknamed by me as my 'last hurrah'. I plan on returning next Sunday (16/06).

Thank you for your understanding! I hope to have a few tea reviews, some book reviews, and maybe even a continuation of my story for you guys! Looking forward to having some time to put together some things :)

Thank you for reading! See you soon!

Love,

Bethwyn

VPA: understanding and shinyness

Tuesday, May 1, 2012
haven't written a VPA in some time! anyway, thanks go to Havi of The Fluent Self for coming up with amazing awesome wonderful ideas for destuckification.


thing one: flowwww
what I want: things are really heating up in terms of my uni work, and I'm needing a lot more time of being focused and knowing what I want/need to do.
I'd like this to be ease-filled, and for me also to know when taking a breaking is essential.
ways this could work: I could come up with a schedule - 45 minutes of study, 15 minutes break or something like that. I'll need to play with it as my body doesn't tend to operate on human time very well XD
I could have a sign that says 'do not disturb!' or something similar for getting study done.
I could have a look at my work schedule and see how I can play with it to make it work better for me and my 'peak times' of study.
I'll play with...: yoga. meditation. reward systems (need a better word for this?). lowering the amount of things asking for stuff from me.


thing two: clarity
what I want: So I'm working on a lot of things lately. The way I communicate with people, the way I react to people, my default mood, etc. Lots and lots of things.
And I'd just like a little push in the right direction. I think I'm going pretty well so far (at least, I'm feeling positive effects and LOVING them), but I'd just like to put the ask out there for some lovely guidance.
ways this could work: someone could recommend a book to me that will just CLICK. or it could fall in my lap. or I could trip over it.
I can write everything out and have a look from a different point of view and see how things move.
I'll play with...: being calm. noticing emotions as they arise and giving them permission to be there. listening to my heart.


thing three: silent retreat.
what I want: This one is a bit more personal, so I'm going to silent retreat.
I'll play with: understanding. flipping my perspective. distance and closeness. telling it like it is.


updates since last time...
well, I haven't written one of these since the 4th of February, but here are updates:

I wanted to feel less ick and sickly, and I did! With the help of some rest, my naturopath, and just generally taking good care of myself.
I wanted to work on gaining back my inner light, and I'm pretty sure I got there. Hanging onto it is a bit difficult still, but I'm understanding better what needs to happen for me to have it around. :)
Finally, I wanted some work clothes, and I got some! But I kind of need some more... another op-shopping trip might be in the works after uni finishes! <3

updates!~

Wednesday, August 10, 2011
New updates to my wishlist post here!

Today I saw a careers counselor, which was both helpful and unhelpful. helpful because she mostly answered my questions and was supportive to my situation, unhelpful because she didn't really offer me anything that fantabulous. It was a tad frustrating and ...soul-crushing. Because she told me how much it's going to cost me to go ahead with the diploma I want (as far as we know, NOT HECS-HELP SUPPORTED) and also how difficult it's going to be for me to find the position I want. She said it's possible, but will require a bit of work.


See? A bit frustrating.


Other bad things included the fact that my back has decided that this week would be the best time to solidify into one solid mass of knots and ow (at least it didn't happen last week) and my body is really starting to feel the effects of so much study and *push*.


GOOD THINGS THOUGH!


Xin was super supportive today and came early to be there when I came out of my careers appointment (yay!) and then bought me an early lunch (pumpkin turnover and peach iced tea~~ yummmm~~). And we went to pick up lovely prizes for doing the CASS Survey (Curtin Annual Student Satisfaction Survey) - it was a lucky dip, and I won a $20 iTunes gift card, while Xin won a $30 Curtin Bookshop gift card (which he gave to me... >sends lots of snugs his way<). So yay for that :D
And then when we got home I got to spend many hours with him, while he gave me a relaxing massage, we watched Good Game, and then we gamed for about an hour! Lovely times were had by all. (I love you Xin!)

So, the day had it's most definite ups, but the downs are kind of worrying me. Plus, since I've been nursing my body (with particular attention to my back, stomach, and head), I've slipped a LEETLE bit behind on study. I have spent about half an hour tonight telling myself that this is okay. because I have the super permission slip of wondrousness that is my need for extra resting time and and and... personal friendshipness to myself. So no vampire elephants for me (though they are hovering about a little bit..).

Anyway. Off to do some more of my ilecture and such, and then maybe reward myself with books and games and tv shows for relaxation purposes~~

(no, guilt monsters, I will NOT feel guilty for this. I need AND deserve it, after the brain-melting/soul-crushing stuff of a conference with my 'you-won't-ever-have-a-future-that-is-good monster'. so nerr.)



Love~

martial arts, steampunk, and intrigue.

Monday, July 4, 2011
Well hello! I haven't written in quite awhile... my apologies for that. But I honestly am not feeling frustrated with myself for neglecting my blog - I have been working through some tough things by myself and have needed to keep them close to my heart.


There are many things that I want to mention in today's post, so I best use a bullet point form, or I might ramble too much!!



  • Writing - Oh JOY OF JOYS. I have started writing again. A continuous story, no less!! I have not shared the story itself with anyone other than my dear Xin, but I'm so pleased with myself for continuing on with it. I'm even doing research!! Who knew that research could be so much fun?! I vaguely recall thinking that about two years ago, but then it all got lost in sludge. (not literally of course.) Anyway, I'm so chuffed to have started up again, and it's giving me new purpose and glee!
  • Books - one of my true loves. I have recently attained the next book in one of my favourite series (was only released OFFICIALLY on July 1st, but I got it earlier than that! ^_^) and it's restored so much love into my imagination and my soul. I wouldn't call it a great literary work of fiction or anything like that, but it's simply delicious. ^_^ Yay! It's also inspired a line of research that I'm following up right this minute! ^_^
  • Life/Career/Study - these topics have sort of been intertwined lately, and they're probably the ones that give me the most stress. I have been rather ...blue about my future prospects. My interest in my course has been dwindling somewhat, and I need to choose a next route for my studies - all of the options seem to leave me with a large brick in my stomach. There is one tiny, sweet, little hope that I hold in my heart, which a couple of my friends know of, but I can barely allow it out into the light for fear of it vanishing into smoke. Anyway, the tiny, sweet thing is still there, giving me hope (and anxiety occasionally XD) so I'm going to do a tentative search into that over the next couple of weeks. Uni starts up again soon, so I'll do my best to throw myself into my studies, while maintaining my writing and tiny sweet thing. ^_^ There's still not much force behind the idea of me returning to any form of work (there's another tiny sweet thing here for an ideal job I'd like, but getting started on that seems so far away and difficult right now..), so I'm just trying to keep myself occupied and happy.
  • Bronte - my gorgeous girl has been a bit sick lately - she managed to scavenge some food from somewhere which gave her the most awful stomach infection. But she's been on antibiotics for three days, and is much better and seems to be back to her happy self once more! [cheers from the background]
  • Stuck - still working through it. Most of it relates to some mundane things, but some relates to some huge things. I haven't been moving much on some of this lately... But I will sometime. Promise.

I may write some VPA's later on today or tomorrow, but at this point I just need some thinking and reading time. Love!

fairies, flooshes, and naming.

Thursday, May 19, 2011
you know, facebook really isn't a good place to try and talk about your issues with life. people immediately start thinking of you as someone who shares too much, or someone who whines a lot. or maybe the don't, but that's what it feels like.
the thing is, with some of the stuff I'm having to deal with lately, I need a decent outlet to talk these things out without making an exhibition of myself. I do have my own personal writing and journalling, but sometimes that's not enough. sometimes this is what a blog is for. plus it helps me to present what's happening in a more eloquent way than blurting it out in a 420-character-limit status update.


my health has been exceedingly frustrating lately. more so than usual. I'm flirting with the idea of going back to see my doctor for yet another diagnosis - this time of mild fibromyalgia. please look here for more information...
anyway, I've been dealing with constant pain and lethargy and multiple other things lately, most probably brought on by stress (this often happens at the end of a semester. I do my best to ward it off - meditation and gentle exercise, enforcement of a regular sleeping routine (HA!), etc, but it often doesn't work) and it's making me ever-more stressed since I'm having to take more and more time to rest and consequently less and less time to get my last two assessments done satisfactorily.


So, here I am.  a week tomorrow before everything is due and I'm doing my best to stay level-headed. I've pulled things together with three days to spare before (not that I like doing it), so with a week and a little help from my fellow students and friends, I think I should be okay. Luckily enough I was granted an extension when I asked since I'm on the disability services assistance list now - my fieldwork project was originally due on Monday, but I've now got til Friday. I have a presentation with Xin that day too, but I know we'll be fine.  We know our subject matter well and we're both pretty good at presentations, even if we haven't presented together before.


things that are keeping me happy lately: tea, new books arriving in the mail (yay Anne Bishop!), getting lovely little things from friends reminding me how strong I am, Xin's love, mum making soup for my lunch <3 (she makes AMAZING soup), thinking about the future and the possibility of moving out with friends and maybe finally realising my dream of becoming a full-time writer - this is my ideal and most-wished for job!, and, finally, Miss Brontesaurus being her adorable self.


sometimes optimism can become delusion, but I think my optimism can sometimes help me along when things seem completely bleak. It makes me miss the simple things, though. Like being able to go out with friends without having to count the energy cost later...


ps. the name of this blog is related to things that I've been thinking about lately that I haven't written about. perhaps I'll tell you another time. :P <3

Unusual. Plus BURNOUT SCARY.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Well. I have not been dealing with things too well lately. In fact I've been dealing with them relatively badly. After I finished my sexology paper on Sunday, I really just wanted to rest. However I had to head in to Uni on Monday, so I started to prepare for that. Unfortunately, our group hadn't realised that we had to hand something in on Monday. Yeh. O.o


Enter the ick. The ick tackled me to the ground, leaving me winded and confused. And perhaps a little concussed. 


I went to Uni the next day, and met up with my group. They had pulled together something amazing, but were still stressing. I felt awful that I'd had to rest the night before. Icky icky icky. Then we had class, and I was feeling terribly sick. I stayed for the whole class because I just felt so awful about being absent for my group. They went on to work on it, and I had to go hand in my assignment and then go home. I ended up with a mega migraine that day.(Xin came over and made me feel quite a bit better about things, though. <3)


Tuesday comes, and I have the day mostly to myself. The ick seems to be hovering in the shadows, but I ignore it. I am a grump in the morning, not really sure why, but just am. Xin is kind and loving and looks after me - and ends up feeling sick himself. At some point I get myself up and start cleaning my room. I'm sick of the dust - it sets off my asthma most mornings. I wash and I vacuum and I dust. I air the room, I change the sheets, I wash the pillowcases. And I watch the dog. XD


The evening comes, and I'm still feeling sick, but confident that I'm okay with study and such. One of the people I talk to makes me feel less than okay. They make me feel like I'm just being lazy and not giving my group the support they need. Is that true? I wonder. The ick enters stage left and runs me through with a sword. Main character falls to the floor. End scene.


I cheer myself up by staying near to Xin and being kind to myself. I sleep.


Wednesday. Today. Wake up and feel stressed. Certain someone doesn't help - just makes me feel like I SHOULD BE FEELING BETTER RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW?! Today is another group meeting. I haven't done anything yet. But that's okay, it's not til 1:30. Check emails before (planned) going back to bed. Oh wait. No. We're meeting at 10. It's almost 9 now. Great. Msg group member. She tells me not to stress about it. Heh.


Realise there's something else I meant to do today - make an appointment with a disability counselor on campus to get disability recognition. Do so. Tomorrow at 10. Think. The thing is, I don't think I want to be labelled as disabled. I don't look it at all, and it feels like a cop-out. I know I need the extra assistance when it comes to getting extensions on assignments, but it's extremely depressing and upsetting. Have small breakdown. Call Xin who helps. Msg group member - I'm not coming in. I can't do it. - She say to take care. In my paranoid, upset state, it sounds like a threat from the universe at large.


Ick returns to the scene of the crime, finds the main character attempting to heal. A gun is taken out. Stage goes dark. Bang.














Now I'm just trying to cope. The ick can try things, but I won't stop trying to get back up; to heal myself.

Sexology Individual Paper: Complete

Sunday, May 1, 2011
Well hello there! I've been working busily away (as previous entries show) and have just managed to complete my paper. I'm probably going to give it one final read before I start getting it all prettified for submission, and also before submitting it online. However, it is done.


I'm sitting here (longing to go on Facebook but not..XD) drinking lemonade (something I don't often do!!) and it just reminds me so much of weekends and visits to my grandparents house. This house has now been long sold, and my Grandad has been gone for four years now? I think. My Nana moved to a smaller place nearer to her kids, but I'll always remember looking at the garden and Nana's tadpoles, or sitting on Grandad's lap while he made me laugh. And drinking lemonade as a special treat from the outdoor fridge.


Those days seem to be filled with sunshine and warmth... and cheese and salad sandwiches. XD And dogs!


I'm currently in chill out mode. I'm feeling quite relaxed and happy about how my paper went, and just a touch stressed about the next thing I need to work on. However, one major assignment down, only one other written one and two presentations! Plus two reflection papers, which are pretty easy. ^_^


I hope this week is a nice week.

Sexology Individual Paper: Progress

Saturday, April 30, 2011


YEH. I actually went over the word count.... either I'll clean it up a bit more and hope it comes down a bit, or I will hope for the extra 10% either side of 2000. XD

Sexology Individual Paper: Progress



Almost there! Almost there! 89%!!!! I could stop now if I wanted to... but I don't. XD
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