On Guilty Pleasures

I have been thinking about the idea of 'guilty pleasures' lately.
It seems to be this kind of phrase that we roll out for all sorts of things these days - not just food or drink, but books, tv shows and movies, even general activities.
And I've realised that I just don't really buy into it.
I don't feel guilty when I am seeking some sort of specific pleasure. I don't get angry at myself for eating a donut if it's what I really felt like eating. I feel bad for wanting to read some romance books that aren't considered 'great literature'. And I certainly don't generate negativity towards myself when I watch kids tv shows, or perhaps something a little less mind-working like Midsomer Murders or Charmed or Friends.
I tend to decide that, if I am going to enjoy something, then I go ahead and enjoy it, and give myself the freedom of not feeling bad about it later.

Now, let me get this thing out of the way here. Yes, I am unemployed and spend almost all of my time at home (due to illness, but that's beside the point at the moment). Yes, despite being sick a lot of the time and not exercising much at all, I haven't really put on any weight since about 2008 (my metabolism still seems to be working!) and I tend to manage to stay slim despite the overwhelming odds against my doing so. Yes yes yes I acknowledge all of that. But I could still feel guilty for these things if I decided to put that on myself - if I decided to listen to other people more than that inner voice that says 'it would really help me relax if I could do this' or 'I don't know why but I'm really craving this sweet treat'.

There is a line with these things - emotional eating tends to be one of those lines, and procrastination is another (though both kind of have their place). I enjoy these pleasures when I am able to, and I watch my reaction to them. Because when they stop being pleasurable, and start feeling heavy and not as nice anymore, that's when I know I have turned to these pleasures out of a need to avoid something that needs dealing with.

What I'm saying in a very roundabout way here is: are your 'guilty' pleasures really worth so much negativity? Or can they be 'guiltless' pleasures, enjoyed in the moment, without fear of your own inner nagger later? Just a thought.

2 comments emotions, general, thoughts

Eyebrows and other tales of hair~

When I was about thirteen or fourteen years old, I was over at a friend's house hanging out with her and another friend. The former friend, let's call her S, had only been my friend for a couple of months since she arrived at my high school. The other friend I had known since I was 4, I will call her M. (Please don't try to figure out the initials or anything, they don't represent names at all, they are randomly chosen~)

Either way, we were just hanging out and talking. I think somehow the topic got onto makeup - something I had very little experience with (situation remains about the same), but the others were beginning to explore. Or, in the case of S, experiment with on a daily basis. Anyway, chatting led to S getting out her collection of beauty tools and such. Then without knowing what was happening, I had been pinned to the floor, S sitting on top of me, and my eyebrows were being plucked for the first time in my life.

Yes, it was weird. No, I didn't stop her - I was at a stage in my life that I was fairly indifferent to a lot of things. Plus I wanted to learn what was entailed in a beauty routine, since mine basically amounted to general hygiene and the occasional bit of eyeliner. I was curious about how I had apparently been missing an entire part of my life somehow. (According to S, she had wanted to pluck my eyebrows since the day she met me. M had no such issues, but she didn't intervene either - I'm not sure she knew what to do!)

Since that day I engaged in most hair removal that I thought was expected of me. I shaved, I plucked, sometimes I waxed. But then, in the last couple of years, I began to question that. I barely had energy anyway due to my health, so why should I keep wasting energy on something that I wasn't sure I cared about anyway?

Over the past few months I have let my hair grow out. Not just on my head, but everywhere. I apologise if this grosses you out, but you can stop reading now if you like, as this is something I feel the need to write about. I wanted to see whether I felt like I needed to remove hair simply for other people's benefit, or for some other reason.

As weeks passed and I watched my reactions (and my hair), I realised that I enjoyed not having to do such a huge amount of work in my beauty routine. I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of people maybe seeing the dark hairs around my ankles or how bushy my eyebrows seemed to be getting, but I acknowledged that discomfort in myself, and moved on.

Then, a couple of days ago, I decided to pluck my eyebrows. It was a little energy consuming, but I was pleased with the result. It didn't feel like a chore, more like a treat to myself. I liked doing it. I don't want to do it all the time, hell no. I feel fine about just addressing hair issues when I have the energy and the inclination, but I've realised that I like having smooth legs and underarms. And I like having shaped eyebrows - because, you know what? I have damn nice eyebrows.

But I'm really not that into waxing. I don't think I will go there again, tbh.

What are your thoughts on hair removal? Do you feel like you're being forced into removing hair because of public expectation or fear of embarrassment? Or do you enjoy having it as a part of your beauty routine?

Love to all who read. (P.s. thanks for reading this rather unusual post!)

2 comments general, thoughts

General Updates

In the spirit of playfulness, a few things in this update will be anagrams of their original selves (this is a style reminiscent of dearest Havi over at The Fluent Self Blog). This is partly because some things are hard to say out loud (or...in black and white. Or pixels. You know what I mean!) and partly because some anagrams are really hilarious.

So. On with it!

General Updates or Erupted Lasagne

• I realised about a week or two ago that I'm actually really happy with my life. Yes, my health could always be healthier, and being unable to work kind of makes getting money (Gene Got Minty) quite hard, so I worry about the future. But overall, life is awesome.
• The above is because I am finally doing things that I absolutely adore, like reading, writing, studying, reviewing books, and getting my name out there as someone who does these things. [There was a substantial pause in writing here while I ate a really delicious strawberry.]
• This week has brought up a few difficult things (Indict Fifth Slug) which has meant I've been feeling a little bit depressed (Speed Reds), but I bounce back from these things so much faster these days.
• I am making efforts to attend to all different parts of my life - not just study and family, but spirituality, friendships, and creativity. It makes for a much happier Beth.
• Finally, I have started dreaming of Spring things, and gleefully giggling over things that I can do when the warmer weather is here to stay - like picnics, reading outside, going for glorious walks, and playing with Bronte without getting covered in mud or rain XD
• Things with Xin are going really well. We're still dealing with the fact that he's so busy and we get little time together, but I think we're doing okay. Part of that is because I had the opportunity to prepare myself for his absence in the lead up to his placement, but also because I am enjoying being busy myself with reading and study.

That's about it! Sorry about blog posts coming a bit later than usual - I have a few uni assignments (Insanest Musing) that I'm working on and so brainstorming blog ideas is kind of at the back of my mind. But I have a few ideas that I'll be working on soon.

Love to all who read!

1 comment general, updates

gentle link suggestions...

my glorious study

As there are quite a few things happening right now, I haven't really had time to get my brain into 'writing a blog post' mode. Mostly it's in 'need to be reading and studying' mode as I am now back at Uni and also receiving a load of books to judge for the Aurealis Awards! Most of my spare moments are spent reading right now XD

Though, if anyone could do this job, I reckon it's me. Loads of books delivered straight to me? Spending most of my time reading? Being organised enough to take notes on each book? Oh yeah. I'm there.

In the interest of sharing a few things that have made me super happy lately, I thought I'd do a quick post for you guys with some links! Won't that be fun? Yes. Yes it will.

To start with, I'm going to help you to experience the same excitement I do about the Aurealis Awards by providing you with the links and info all about the awards! Wooooo! Book partyyyy. :D Just head here: http://www.aurealisawards.com/index.htm and have a click around if you so choose!

Videos I am loving this week...

Ryan Higa as Naruto? In Japan? Awesome.

Joss Whedon takes on Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing? Heck yes!!

And that's all for now! As I need to go do some study... Love to all who read. :)

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Bench musings: biophilia and exercise.

(taken on my webcam as I type this post)

I woke up today feeling really crappy. I mean, exhausted, sick, sore, stiff, just everything wrong. I felt low, too. The most I could do to start with was drag myself out of bed, grab my phone, kindle, and water bottle, and head to the back room to turn on the tv. I spent a few hours sitting in front of kids television shows (ones I'm loving lately: Mouk, The Octonauts,  and Rob the Robot), unable to do much except pour myself some cereal and take my vitamins.

By 10:30, I was feeling worse. My limbs felt like they were made of lead, and my head was pounding away to a rhythm I couldn't seem to understand. My partner, Xin, despite being stressed with his own busy schedule, tried to comfort me from afar via text message (I love you!), and it was then that I realised no one else could do anything about this. I had to do something about how I was feeling - even if I could just cheer myself up, being exhausted and sick wouldn't be nearly as uncomfortable and...boring.

So I took myself outside. Despite it being pretty much the middle of winter here in Australia (well, we're two months out of three), the sun was shining and there were birds and even bees around (not sure the bees ought to be around... :| I hope they don't die from the wet and cold!). I wandered around just listening to the breeze drifting through the trees and played with Bronte for awhile. And I immediately felt better - more positive, lighter, calmer. And that's what biophilia is to me - the belief that we have an innate connection with all natural systems. The belief that nature can heal us.

Sure, there's the basics - sunlight on our skin (particularly areas where the veins are close to the surface, like your inner elbows or wrists) gives us a dose of vitamin D, which makes us feel happier. Fresh air can give us a little reminder to breath easier, which doses us up on oxygen. But there's more to it than that. If I get outside and just make an effort to clear my head and get OUT of my head, just for a little while, I feel connected to the world outside of me. And a lot of my emotional pain comes from just sitting inside my own head for too long - allowing old problems and negative thoughts to stagnate and take over.

Another thing that I've realised lately is I haven't been trying hard enough to get more exercise. And that's just silly. (Really.) Even though I have CFS, I don't want to let that rule everything about me, and so I'm determined to move back into finding exercise that suits me. For the last two days, it's been yoga, walking, and (today alone) Just Dance 4 :P Because, believe it or not, dancing makes me smile.

Just one more thing I wanted to mention - I have decided that I'm going to go two months without buying any books. (Please pick your lower jaw off the floor, it's quite unseemly.) Basically, because I'm now in full reading mode judging for the Aurealis Awards, buying new books for myself is kind of....pointless. Oh, there are still things I want to buy. But I'm just putting things on the back burner, at least for two months, until I can see that I have some form of self-restraint when it comes to book buying. (Exceptions to this rule are if I win books and if I am given books as a gift.)

The other decision I've made is to try and buy only fairtrade, eco-friendly clothes from now on. (I do include op-shop finds in this, however.) I really want to try and back up my choices with my money, and just buying clothes that I like isn't working for me so much anymore - when I start to think about where it was made, and where the fabric came from, I just start to feel a bit guilty. Being fairtrade and eco-friendly is important to me and, while I may not have much money to back this up right now, I can at least try. (Again, exceptions are items won and gifts.)

I am tentatively thinking over a final choice and that is whether to give up watching TV for a little while. But, because I've been sick so often lately, this has been a harder decision to make. I will update if I come to a conclusion.

Anyway, thanks for reading!! Out of interest, does anyone have anything they want to give up - just to see if you can, or for ethical reasons? Tell me down below!

2 comments general, musings, thoughts

I'm back!! Also, new obsession!

Hello hello!
So, my work for semester one is officially over (yay!) and all I have to do is (try not to) worry about my results... Blah.

So I've been getting really caught up in my reading lately, and a dear dear amazing friend of mine surprised me by sending me a book by John Green recently (I will be reviewing it soon, so look out for that!). Anyway, I ended up looking him up on the internet to find out what his other books were, and I fell down the rabbit hole and never looked back.

For those who don't know, John Green and his brother Hank have MANY MANY youtube channels about lots of things. My current favourites are vlogbrothers (where they answer questions and talk about things...generally) and crash course (all about history, science, and my favourite LITERATURE). Honestly, I can't get enough of their sense of humour, their thought-provoking questions and discussions, and the lovely community they have created (nerdfighters!). They also often refer to an acronym - DFTBA - which means Don't Forget To Be Awesome. 

How could I not love them?

So, I know this post is a little crazy and all over the place, but I'm still dealing with the random health swings that accompany finishing a semester, so I shall be back on track soon enough! But please, do yourself a favour and check the vlogbrothers out here!

I hope you're all having an awesome weekend! :)

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Butterfly-Elephant now has a Facebook page!

Please come along and 'like' the page, and share it around! :)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Butterfly-Elephant-Blog/488948874493596

Love to all who read! :)

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Just a little something...

...that Xin sent me.

Leave a Comment general, health

When things just don't feel right.

I have had many instances of thinking everything is going just dandy and then finding out that, actually, I don't feel so great.
This is something I've had to come to terms with. Sometimes, when I organise to go out and have a meal with friends, I end up finding that I am too nauseous to eat anything.
Occasionally, when I make plans to spend a day out with my boyfriend, I find I am too exhausted to get up.
These thing happen - more than I'd care to admit. And sometimes it gets to me, and other times I just keep trucking on.
If you come across me at certain times, I am grumpy. And this could be for multiple reasons, but more often than not it's because I have had enough of whatever symptom I have been dealing with lately.

And let me tell you, it is so difficult to keep going sometimes when you feel like people just want to gloss over what you've been experiencing for so long. There is a time for optimism - and I think of myself as a generally optimistic person - but when I am tired, sick, and just over being these things, I am not likely to react well to optimism. Xin has learnt over the years that during these times I just need cuddles, warmth (usually), and rest. I need love and understanding.
And I don't want to sound like I am pulling for sympathy, or that I in any way think the people in my life aren't doing everything they can for me, but sometimes, for others, life goes on. And for me? It feels stuck. As if I have died and I am not allowed to pass to the afterlife, nor am I allowed to fully return to the world of the living. I am in limbo.

I find that, as I write this, I am becoming more emotional. The most recent question I had about my actual condition was at least a month ago and, while that's okay, at the same time it's upsetting. And when people ask how I'm going (and genuinely want to know the answer) I find myself getting worked up as I realise just what I deal with on a daily basis. It is amazing what you can get used to. Pain, sickness, tiredness. It is all assimilated. 
I by no means want to paint a picture of suffering for you - on the contrary, the last few weeks I have been enjoying more energy, more health, more joy than I have in some time. I have been picking up new hobbies, heck, I started writing a new book! But that doesn't make it all go away. And there's still times when I turn around needing some respect, some cuddles, some general comment on how I've been doing.

I think part of the reason why people don't know what to say to me when I need understanding is because I don't let people near me when I'm particularly ill. I think, apart from medical staff, I have only allowed my boyfriend, my parents, and my brother to see me at my worst. And my best friend may have seen something resembling it once. I don't fully know what that's about or why I do it, but there you go.

I don't really know how to finish this post, but I feel I need to pull away and go back to writing my book now. Love to all who read.

Leave a Comment general, health, ick, thoughts

Friday Chicken: I want more icecream.

My thoughts are moving a bit slowly, so apologies if things don't make a lot of sense!

Thanks, as always, go to Havi Brooks of Fluent Self for this wonderful ritual.

bad stuff.
mini-panics.
Not having a lot to do and feeling sick a lot tend to lead to feeling a bit useless, then feeling panicky. Not fun.

pain.
never fun.

disappointment.
a bit in myself, a bit in others, a bit in general.

finding walls.
that I thought were gone. and yet they're here.
and not knowing what to do with the walls.

missing a couple of people.
that I don't contact with any regularity anymore. and trying to be okay with the missing.

nightmares.
mostly last night. leading to feeling horrible.

being unsure.
silent retreat.


good stuff.
nature.
and enjoying it more.

bronte.
she's amazing and fun and kind of adorable.
also a bit irritating at times, but still adorable. XD

books, magazines and emails. oh my.
so much reading. glorious reading.

tea.
yes yes yum yum. :D

Xin.
oh. love. and so many thankyous from me.

connection.
not so much with other people, but with myself and my dreams.


I feel a bit odd about writing anymore on this. So I'm going to go back to sitting in bed thinking... and eating ice cream.
Love to all who read.

Leave a Comment friday chicken, general, thoughts