Sunday, February 8, 2015

feeling the Inner Happy when things kinda suck

Here's the thing. I made a decision last weekend that I would take the week off from pushing myself to do things outside my home - I could see that I was feeling a little worn down and that maybe some pain was on it's way, so I decided to rest.
I felt great about this decision and really worked to keep to it. I spent time at home doing little things. The pain was there, and yet, for the most part, I coped with it.
And then the weekend hit and I figured that now I could spend lots of time with Xin while he was off work and just genuinely enjoy going out and doing things...

Yeh. So, as you can probably tell, that's not what happened.

I spent a lovely night feeling good and spending time with Xin, and then woke up on Saturday morning with the slow realisation that I had an infection coursing through my body at warp speed. I actually felt it developing, the pain hit me hard and fast and I did my best to do some damage control, but quickly realised that I would probably need to see a doctor.

I was angry, to begin with. So angry. I started thinking to myself all the old stuff like 'I don't deserve this, why is it happening now, I didn't do anything wrong, what the *bleep*' - that sort of thing. And then I remembered that with this particular infection (I've had it before, multiple times), strong emotional reactions can often make it worse. (Fun, right?) So I took a deep breath and smiled. Yeh, it was forced, but it helped. I listed off the things in my head that I could do to look after myself until Xin got back from training, and I did them. Making tea, getting a heat pack, taking some painkillers, setting myself up with books and comforting squishy things.

It didn't make the pain or discomfort go away, and I was still sad and a bit afraid, but I could also feel that connection to the things that make me happy, and that really helped.

Xin was also amazing, and his support and love definitely helped me to maintain that connection to happy-me. He got me to the after-hours GP, took me to the pharmacy, and remained cheerful throughout all of it.

Just below is a list of things that helped me to remain super happy even while I was trying to deal with a silly infection:
  • light romance novels with fun characters
  • giant squishy pillows/plushies
  • awesome cute animes about patisserie schools
is there anything that is making you feel happy lately?

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