Another Update of Sorts

Tuesday, May 25, 2021

 Hello friends. How are you? It feels strange to be here again. My most recent update (on myself) happened back in January and I talked about how I wasn't really sure where I was going with this blog. I have little to say about that, honestly. I'm still posting the occasional book review, though many of them are quite late and the books I mention are relatively old. I'm still reading new releases, but I am often buying them with my own money and reading them for pleasure (shock!) and not doing much other than marking them as read and maybe giving them a star rating on Goodreads.

Things have been a little intense for me lately. (By 'lately' I do mean in the last few months.) There's been some health scares in the family, of all different kinds, and mental health issues have been pretty rough, too. My mental health has been all over the place. At the moment, I am fairly calm, (aside from needing to shoo the cat away just now because she insists on yelling at me), enjoying the visual of typing on my keyboard with a little ray of sun spilling across it. But I have had times of incredibly intense distress and fear, my anxiety has risen to the point that certain noises/sounds have become anathema to me, and I have started and ended my days trying to use food/tv/games/shopping as a way to numb myself from the intensity of the emotions that exist within me.

For those of you with mental health differences, this may all sound very familiar.

I've been doing my best to just ride out the wave, but, while it feels like this wave rises and falls, it also just keeps going and going and going, and I wonder how to get off the ride. Ultimately, I think I'm just going through some changes at the moment (this moment apparently has been going on for about two years now?) and I just need to 'hold the course' and continue trying to foster kindness for myself (and for others, I guess). Will I share more of my experiences on this blog? I'm not sure - perhaps. I don't know if it would be helpful at all for others to hear about this kind of thing, to be honest. Something else to sit with.

In other news, I have very tentatively gotten back into listening to Kpop. I have been following BTS for years, of course, but lately I felt strong enough to go back to SHINee and see what they were up to. With Taemin heading into the army for his service soon (May 31st), I have been really enjoying listening to his new mini-album, Advice, on YouTube Music. I am even thinking about purchasing a copy! I know, you may now collect your jaws from the floor on the way out. 

You know, even talking about Kpop is quite nice. Maybe I'll come back here to visit again soon. Hope you're all doing well, all my lovely lurkers.

Love to all who read.

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