Monday, March 26, 2018

Spoonie Philosophy~

Ah comparison, how you have a tendency to ruin my life even when I don't realise you're there.

Sometimes I compare myself to "well" people, and then start acting like I am a non-spoonie, and that lasts... not long. If I am lucky (and often when I am operating on sheer optimism), it will last for a few days, up to a week. And then I will collapse into a pile of sick and exhausted and sad wibbly mess, wondering why I can't have the life I want, and why I can't sustain that level of energy forever.

Sometimes, when I am not running on sheer optimism, I compare myself to other spoonies. This looks like this: they have all these issues and yet they are doing this, that, and the other thing! I am not doing any of those things! I am so fail. And then I feel depressed and down on myself and actually confused, too.

Hey, Beth, here's a hint, because I know you're going to forget this again: you are not other people. There is actually no point comparing yourself to other people because you cannot understand their experience completely without actually living their lives as them. Stick to your own journey, your own experience, heck, your own present moment rather than trying to drift into someone else's, or planning the future when you are having a flare.

I think I will add an additional note here: people don't and can never fully understand your experience. They cannot confirm for you whether you are too sick for something, or 'well enough' for something else. Even your doctors don't completely know because they don't fully understand your conditions, even. So when someone says 'I'm sad you can't do this', it's not necessarily a statement saying 'you should be able to do this'.

Ah, overthinking things. another problematic thing that I do very often. But I am slowly learning.

Love to all who read.

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