Hello, dearest readers.
Things have been a little confusing over the past couple of days for me - I had a surge over the weekend of *getting all the things done* and really enjoying time spent reorganising, cleaning, and doing energetic things (energetic by my standards - ie. gardening, walking far distances... doing some semblance of what might be called exercise). And then today I woke up feeling completely exhausted, grumpy, and kind of numb.
I returned to making YouTube/BookTube videos about a month ago (my channel is here), and was putting up videos once a week, either on a Friday or Saturday. And then, last week, I just found I didn't want to. I have been wondering if it was something to do with my anxiety (possible) or perhaps a realisation that I prefer the written word (probable). I am still exploring what I want right now, and so my channel is kind of in stasis, but I am responding to comments if you care to leave any.
I recently read a book about Slow Living which I absolutely adored, and it had a few little exercises in it that helped you to figure out what your priorities are in life. I narrowed mine down to a list of five main priorities (keep in mind these are kind of general), and it was such a wonderful experience for me to do that. All of my efforts over the weekend were in line with my priorities, and I wondered what was going to happen when my CFS inevitably stepped in (because I was kind of over-doing it). And, today, I kind of found out.
I am still interested and feel comforted and excited about my top priorities list. It feels right to me, and I am making changes each day to become even more in line with them. And yet, on days like today, I have to take things muuuuch slower. (Slow living, even slower.) Everything is a learning process, and it has me thinking that maybe another item or two needs to be added to my priorities list - particularly along the line of taking care of myself/my health/health in general. It's a constant wobbly balance that we are trying to find, and sometimes you have to lean really hard to one side, and that's okay. Right now I am leaning into doing what I need to to feel better and more comfortable, even with my pain levels being a constant companion.
This was a bit of a rambly post, but I honestly just had some thoughts floating around in my head that I wanted to share. I think I will try and do this a little more often.
Love to all who read.