So, cystitis. I have written about this before, here, and have actually since then been officially diagnosed with interstitial cystitis, which I have mentioned in that linked post. Basically it means that my body often mimics the symptoms of cystitis without there actually being any infection present.
I have been put on a pill to try and relax my bladder and such, trying to reduce my symptoms, and it has actually been helping. But over the last week or so, I have been getting the symptoms with increasing frequency, and also with more pain than I have experienced since going on the drug. And that has been pretty tough for me to deal with.
I am trying very hard to dig more into what is bringing the symptoms on, but it hard given that a lot of my conditions tend to just get worse during stressful times, and I don't feel like there is much that I can combat that with that I haven't already (no, being told 'just worry less!' and 'try meditation!' has surprisingly not led to an instant fix!). What I have noticed is that two main emotions often come up around the time that I get the symptoms - anger, and sadness.
Both of them make sense to a certain extent - I am usually really upset that I have the cystitis again and that I am so uncomfortable. I am wondering if it has something to do with not expressing when things are getting too much, or I am feeling overwhelmed and not talking about it - because when cystitis hits I often realise just how much stuff I have been piling onto myself, and how much I have been shirking self-care.
I can't say that I am always capable of investigating when this comes up, or digging into the 'why' of it, but I want to keep trying in the hopes that I might start looking after myself even better than before, and maybe keep the cystitis symptoms from taking over again.
I also hope I will continue to share my thoughts on this most frustrating and embarrassing of conditions... Just in case someone out there might need the reassurance that it isn't just them.