Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Pressure. [Mostly Self-Inflicted]

{Just a small note before I start rambling about today's topic - for a while there, I was trying out a new font for the blog. Turns out I still prefer this one. And on we go...}

Oh man, I just had to stop and have a big yawn before I even started this post. I am tired - but not really through lack of sleep as such (though I did wake up with a migraine today... at 6am :\). I am just tired basically all the time because I am staying away from "the outdoors" as much as I can. Summer is definitely seeing the return of my hermit status.

And the fact is, that that is totally fine - actually kind of healthy, even. I react badly to too much heat, and I have the kind of skin that will get burnt even when I apply sunscreen and stick to the shade like a ninja. But what has also happened is that I am observing all of my friends and family members head off to work each day and I am left sitting at home (usually in the air-conditioning) trying to push myself to do something or, if I have already done something, then to do more.

This is partially because organising a wedding makes you go a bit bonkers, and you can feel like everyone having a good time at said wedding is reliant on you having the right music or you having the perfect arrangement of flowers, which is actually all just a little bit silly, if we sit down and think about it. But, really, if you look back at weddings you've been to, or seen in the movies or tv series, we remember that the bride was often trying to keep everything under control all the time and that kind of takes its toll after a while.

I am trying to keep taking steps back from organisation and just rest, but I am so nervous about 'dropping the ball' that I am finding it hard to remember how to fully relax. I am starting books but not finishing them, spending a lot of time wandering around not really sure what to do, and Peppermint's personality (ie. her dislike of being picked up or cuddled for very long) has become a reason for me to burst into tears at times. 

I am trying to sit with this and just be present with what is happening, but it is hard not to just want to throw everything away from me and take a week off to go to Tasmania (somewhere cooler than here would be great) and just ignore all my expectations for a while.

Hmm, I may be a few steps away from burnout.

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