I just got back from a trip to Margaret River today. My partner and I booked a weekend away months ago, as a way to celebrate our eight year anniversary, as well as my recent completion of my final assignment for my degree. And I had been looking forward to it for ages.
And yet, when we got down there, I didn't feel the peace that I normally do. I had little glimpses of it, sure, but I was mostly on edge, grumpy, irritable, and generally out of sorts. I was also a little bit sad. And I'm really not sure why.
I think it was partially because I have placed a lot of expectations on myself lately - I thought they were coming from outside of me, from different people in my life, but it turns out that I don't think that's entirely true. I think I was expecting myself to deal with all of these things at the same time, and do them well.
And you know what? That is just too much for anyone, really. And what I was experiencing in M. R. emotionally - and physically, as many symptoms popped up and are still doing so - was the fall-out of how overwhelmed I have made myself feel.
The little glimmers of calm and peace I had, however, were blissful, and I don't think this trip will stop me going back to M.R. as often as I can. Cowaramup, too. They are just lovely places that I feel a deep connection to, and I love that.
But, for now, I am back home, and I am re-thinking my stance on a few things. I think I have fallen back into the habit of trying to do everything, and I need to pull back on that for sure. There is some big change going on, and I want to make it as pleasurable for myself as possible and, if I can't make it pleasurable, at least I will try to relax and ease into everything.