sorry for the lack of writing lately - it has been a hard month to be honest. I am still feeling quite cheerful, but I had a few times there where things just felt really wrong and I was having trouble keeping my head above water. Today I am dealing with a full-blown cold thing (mostly it's my throat that is hating on me, but that is totally okay because throat lozenges, tea, and medicated mouth wash are things that I can do!), and I just got my new mechanical keyboard (I can do a post on it later if you would like! just leave a comment below) so I thought I would go through some posts that I have started lately and just spruce them up a bit so you can read what has been happening!
Below is a post that I wrote about two weeks or so ago, and it was during a pretty bad time. It is a bit rambley, but those posts seem to still get a lot of interest as I am sharing my experience, so here you go!:
The last week has been a lesson in patience and pain. I started last week managing to do some exercise, and even do a scary thing where I had to go in to a place for a meeting-type-thing that I knew very little about. I started the week feeling strong and capable and did the things and didn't even chew gum during it.
And then the next day I woke up with cystitis, a bad CFS and fibromyalgia flare, and ohmygoodnessholyemotionsbatman. It was hard - and not just on me. It was hard for those around me, because I was sitting there, rocking backwards and forward trying to find a comfortable spot (such things often cease to exist when cystitis is around), and questioning out loud why this was happening. 'I was doing everything right!' I kept repeating. 'I just don't understand why this is happening...' often fell out of my mouth, too.
And the truth was, I had been doing everything right. I'd being drinking lots, drinking my special kidney tea, taking cranberry pills, doing all the right things. I had started doing a little more exercise (just walking mostly) and I was feeling better for it.
The only conclusion we could come to was that I had gotten more stressed about the scary thing than I thought, and my body had reacted. Strongly.
And it took a couple of days before I was able to convince my doctor that I needed antibiotics, so that meant I had about two and a half days of being in pain and discomfort, where I could barely read. I'm on antibiotics now, but everything is still ten times harder than it was before, and I am trying so hard to keep doing the things I need to (particularly study things) while my brain and my heart keep whispering to each other 'more rest would be best' and 'if this thing didn't have to be done, we would rest more'. These whispered conversations are constantly there, and I am having trouble.
The thing is, it is now the pointy end of my current study period, and I am behind on almost all the things. I have had to ask for extensions on many things just so I can try and do them justice, and I am trying not to panic over the things. I want so much to be well enough to do the things at the moment, but I have to admit to myself that I'm just not. My health timeline is not matching up with my study timeline, and I am suffering for it.