Friday, January 9, 2015

wishes

I've been in a bit of a state of thought lately, considering what I want to do with my year. But not just that, I have been considering what my skills and talents are (sometimes something that is hard to remember, for many people), what I want my life to look like ideally, and things that I have been avoiding for fearful reasons.

I'm still not sure what these things mean, or how they will come together. When I think about my blog, I want more for it, but I don't have solid ideas, just a few little wisps of things in my peripheral vision, trying to get my attention.

Different thoughts somehow linking...

My bias from my favourite KPop group (SHINee's Jonghyun) is releasing his first solo album in a few days time, and I'm extremely excited. On Wednesday, he released his first full-length song, called Deja-Boo. I enjoyed it so much that I started listening to it over and over again - something I do with new albums that I like. I have a ritual of sitting down with my walkman (such old technology!) and the new CD, and listening to it fully once with no distractions, and then listening to it over and over again while doing other things to slowly absorb it into myself.
This is what I've been doing with Deja-Boo. 
I absorb it into me so that it can continue to exist within me, in a weird way. So that I can hum it to myself, play it over in my head and dance along.

And then I started to wonder - I want to do this with my thoughts and my dreams. Not just have them as gentle wisps existing somehow outside of myself. I want to absorb them within me, begin to know they edges and curves, what is missing, what is already there. I want my dreams to be truly mine, and not have them confused with outside expectations, what people think I should be doing. I want them to be as familiar to me as a favourite shirt or a well-loved book.

What this means for me? I don't really know. But I am enjoying using my blog as a bit more of a sounding board, where my thoughts can come out a bit more.
Do you ever having ideas that you want to grasp a bit more closely?

Love to all who read.


P.S. If you're interested, here is the song I mentioned:


2 comments:

  1. I think some of the best pieces of writing/art/expressions of self are those that have been stewing for a long time. I think when someone has an idea for what they want a novel to be about, and they sort of think about it for twenty years before actually putting pen to paper, the idea matures in a way. And when they start writing, they know what they want to write and why they want to write it. At least, that's the impression I got from reading Dan's bio of The Mirror Image of Sound, and my own blog post about Hearing Voices (which I thought about writing for about four months. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to include and why I felt it was important, so that when I started writing, all the confusion flowed out of me and left clarity in its wake.)

    Sorry for rambling comment. So tired.

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    Replies
    1. I think my issue is that I have these wisps of ideas that I can't really pin down. That's why I want to make them a bit more solid so I can understand them, otherwise I feel a bit lost. I definitely understand about ideas maturing the more we think about them, but you also have to be careful that you don't think about it for so long that it never happens.

      As ever, finding balance seems to be key.

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