Saturday, January 3, 2015

Goodbye 2014.

I know plenty of other people have already written their 2014 wrap-ups and talked about what they want for 2015, but I just wasn't ready. I have acknowledged that the new year is upon us, but I have been unable to process exactly what last year meant to me. To a certain extent, I still can't process it.

A small attempt...
2014 was the year I...
~finally traveled to Japan and realised that it was everything I had hoped, and also something different from that.
~got engaged to my dear, sweet Xin.
~had two hospital procedures, and discovered more about what my conditions are, and what they aren't.
~dragged myself through a difficult semester and finally made the decision to try and finish my degree online, and give myself a bit of a break (hopefully).


2014 felt really painful at times, but the happy parts completely won out in the end. I had many moments of feeling lost within myself this year, but I worked hard at finding out what was physically wrong with me. This remains a frustrating venture, and I feel for anyone who is going through long lists of specialists or drugs to try and find something that works. Often, when you are chronically ill, it feels like one step forward and two steps back (or, on the really bad days, one step forward and a freaking huge leap back). This can be really disheartening, to be honest. And that is why I kind of decided about three weeks ago that enough was enough - I needed to rest and recuperate and remember why I was doing all this. I'm still working on that, but I'm almost at a point where I feel like I could maybe pick myself back up and keep going.

2014 wasn't a hugely transformative year for me, aside from my trip to Japan in February. When I think back on it, I just feel grateful for the time I was given to rest, to spend time with those I loved, and to work on myself a little more. I have plans for 2015, for sure, but I acknowledge that sometimes plans go a bit awry and you just have to accept that.

Whatever 2015 brings, I say thank you to 2014 for the gifts and lessons it gave me, and I release the pain it brought.

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