One thing I have noticed with alarming frequency lately is how little I can remember of what I have been doing. Granted, my health has deteriorated quite a bit of the last couple of months - that is, I seem to keep getting the same viruses and such over and over, no matter what I do - but I often have one or two days a week where I suddenly 'come to' and realise that I can't really remember what I've been doing for the past week.
This can be a little tied up with my memory of things I need to do, too. During those days when I am a little more lucid, I suddenly realise that I have slipped behind in almost everything. Book reviews, uni assignments and readings, blogging and writing, general chores, even just really basic things that everyone does - like eating or, you know, maybe leaving the house a little bit more often. All of this stuff kind of disappears into the background when I feel super sick - which kind of makes sense, but also tends to leave me feeling really stressed when I finally do realise just how far I have slipped behind on things.
This entry for my spoonie diaries is a little different, because I don't really have anything that helps with the memory problems, to be honest. But I did want to write something - even if it's not for others that may suffer this sort of thing out there, it's a reminder for myself.
Sometimes your body demands rest. And then sometimes, when you feel like you should be done resting, it demands more rest. And nothing you can do or say, no matter how much you try to discuss things with yourself or with others, is going to change the fact that you need to rest. When you do acknowledge that, just go with it. Know that things will get sorted out (or you will) at some point, and then wait until that point arrives. Nod and smile at the well-meaning advice, but don't take it on board if it doesn't feel right for you.
Don't stress. Because you can do this. You can do what you need to do for yourself, and then other things will follow if that's what is supposed to happen.
This probably all sounds a bit confusing, but it's something I needed to write anyway. Love to all who read.