Sunday, March 23, 2014

weekly glimpse #10

editing outside...

currently reading: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan, plus a few others things besides...
listening to: TVXQ's Something and Spellbound
watching: How I Met Your Mother season nine, mostly.
food: favouring Grill'd burgers and frozen yoghurt lately, but also carrots and havarti cheese...
drinking: sparkling grape or apple juice, coconut water, and T2 Apple Crumble tea~
writing: a personal essay for one of my units... notes to myself... poetry.

general... (inspired by Havi)
the hard
: still recovering from my operation. which is why I didn't post an update last Sunday... experiencing pain and overwhelming nervousness whenever anything comes near the wound sites, even though they are healing up nicely.
: two migraines in two days, plus the second one was a migraine from hell where I couldn't lie down for the first three hours of it because the pain got worse. 
: sudden attacks of insecurity and fear ruining otherwise perfect moments. feeling like I'm battling on an inclined terrain with swarms of monsters coming towards me. not fun.
: so tired but not sleeping well most nights. a breath for trying to rest.
: huge waves of guilt about my lifestyle when I'm actually not hurting anyone and I'm still doing the best I can. A breath for feeling worthless.
: many bits of bad news this week. trying to be supportive for others when I feel wrung out.

the good
: time with Xin, who has been absolutely amazing about looking after me. I can't even express how grateful I am to have him around. a breath for feeling loved even when you feel like the lowest thing ever.
: reading. it will always be my saviour.
: seeing friends and remembering that I am actually engaged and just turned 24 and that this month hasn't just been a huge ball of ick. a breath of thankfulness for blessed reminders.
: small comforts. cardcaptors (again). SHINee. TVXQ. a little totoro plushie who keeps vigil next to my bed. a new Peso (from the Octonauts) pillow that I have been wanting for so long and finally got yesterday (still want the other two. they are on sale and so now I'm scared they will disappear before I can buy them. Maybe I'll just buy them online...) and is possibly the most comfortable thing to squish ever. new tea that tastes like apple crumble in non-icky liquid form. smoothies that taste like joy.
: meditating and praying often for the first time in a long time. being thankful for the things I have - reminding me that my life is wonderful and I can keep moving forward. I can keep trying.

what i want for next week...
~ i have the sweetest and besterest people in my life ever ever.
~ this is the last (full) week of my birth month and it was the most amazing yet.
~ oh i can't believe how well this worked out.
~ inspire!
~ this opportunity is ideal and right for me (re-ask)

mantra? breathe.

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