Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Basic Course in Surrendering.

Bronte being very gentle with me~

I had a diagnostic operation on Monday which left me with two small incisions in my abdomen, and very little energy.
I had known about this operation for over a month, and had been slowly mentally preparing for it during my trip to Japan. But I think the issue I ended up coming across post-operation was that I couldn't remember how to surrender to the pain that came on afterwards, and the need for me to allow those close to me to care for me.

I needed to surrender to being in pain, and allow myself to show it.

I think this is one of those things that I will need to keep learning every time pain comes along. And it makes me appreciate how much I actually do for myself normally, and how much I crave being in a position to be independent.

So this is me, surrendering to the pain and welcoming the love and care from others. Xin has been a champion and really stepped up to caring for me. I currently move about as fast as an 82 year old with advanced arthritis in their legs and a permanent hunchback (yes, that specific), and he gotten used to helping me walk, lifting me up when I want to sit up, rubbing my back when the pain gets too bad, etc. He is amazing to me.

I think what I wanted to say to those who read, and to myself, by writing all this is that it's okay to surrender. It's okay to feel the pain (whatever sort you are in) but not become overwhelmed by it. Just notice it's there, and realising that however you need to cope with it in that moment, that's fine. To realise that yes, you are feeling this pain right now (be it physical, emotional, metaphorical, etc.) and being gentle with yourself anyway. Listen to what it is that you need, and grant that as best you can.

So I'm sitting down right now, writing this gentle note, and remembering to breathe through my pain instead of fighting it. And that feels a whole lot better.

Love to all who read.

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