Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Drunk on Emotions

One of the days of self-portraits...


As I was falling asleep last night, I got to reminiscing. And I have to say, I think there are two types of reminiscing (if I were to indulge in wild generalisations...). There's the good, cheerful kind, and the bad, regretful kind.

Last night, I noticed how I was going towards the regretful path. I didn't try to stop it, I just observed it happening. Rather than being completely involved in it, I watched the regular pattern - thinking about past friends who are no longer in my life (cue 'Somebody I Used to Know' by Gotye), and other assorted relationships that ended up going absolutely nowhere reaaaally slowly and painfully.

As my mind travelled along these well-worn pathways, I thought about how this tends to happen at night. I thought about how it felt and what I could relate it to. And I realised that it kind of felt like my brain was marinating in this old emotions - much as my brain would marinate in alcohol if I were drunk. It makes it hard to think about anything other than the emotions of the past - they feel so much more present during these times.

And, much like when drunk, during these times I feel the overwhelming urge to contact the people from my past that I feel there is unfinished business with. I have to actually convince myself NOT to contact these people. Because the fact of the matter is that I think I will get some kind of desirable response out of them - one I didn't receive when they were in my life. That would require the person to do a 180 turn in their personality. Ultimately, I have to acknowledge that while I am in this mood, I cannot trust my own perceptions of what ought to be done. Because that time is past now.

I fear that this may have become a bit too much rambling now, so I will sign off here. Just one question though - do you find yourself in this mood sometimes? It seems, even without the assistance of alcohol, I can become overwhelmingly caught up in my own emotions.

2 comments:

  1. You are very wise. I think that when the mind is sad, it can only project sad futures, and so when you're feeling melancholic, it can be hard to realise that reality may not match up with your feelings. I get those moods as well, and they can be really hard to deal with! I guess it takes a real shift in cognition to move on and live freely.
    Wow, I'm rambling too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes definitely! When we feel sad, our brain waves just travel down the pathways we've already worn that are associated with that emotion, so we just get a cyclical showing of our saddest moments.
      And it's hard NOT to ramble on this topic :P

      Delete

All content owned by Bethwyn Walker unless otherwise stated. Simple theme. Theme images by gaffera. Powered by Blogger.

creating a place where rest and rejuvenation are paramount