writing can mean needing to sit this close to a heater...
I don't think it takes a psychic to realise that I love reading and writing, and that I have always felt drawn to the two. But, lately, I have been trying to figure out the main reason why I write on my blog.
It's true that, initially, this blog was all about just having a place where I could express myself and, to some extent, that remains true. I do want to express myself here, and to also stretch my writing muscles (don't think about that too much).
But I've also started writing here for a different reason. I have realised that not many people know how to rest properly. So many people work so hard every single day and then, when they get a day off or suddenly get sick, they don't know what to do with themselves. There's this sense of guilt and restlessness that seems to pervade everything they do and think.
When I first realised that my illness may actually be chronic, I was in a similar boat. I was feeling guilty every day because I wasn't doing as much as the other people I knew. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my time. Mostly I thought that I needed to be sleeping, but I quickly realised I couldn't do that all day without messing my sleeping patterns up royally.
So I started actively trying to find what was restful and restorative for me. I worked to heal that inner guilt (which does still come up from time to time, but is much more easily managed) and stop blaming myself for needing rest. And then I started to see that the people around me, even the people I loved, hadn't healed their own attitudes toward rest and taking time for themselves. And that saddened me greatly.
I started writing about rest and dealing with uncomfortable emotions here. I started reviewing books and tea, because they are so genuinely entwined with what I consider to be restful. I write about my health and how I continue to try and heal MYSELF rather than waiting for that unattainable solution to come along. Everything began to mesh together and I realised that I was writing about the art of rest and rejuvenation - not just physical rejuvenation, but mental, emotional, and spiritual. I have realised just how closely laced these things are to one another. The way we see and interact with the world is heavily tied up in how we see ourselves, and how we look after ourselves.
It does come back down to that idea of: if you can't love yourself, how do you expect to love others?
And, through writing this, I have realised one more thing about my inner drive to write on my blog. A lot of my restful practise lately has become tied up with the practice of mindfulness, or being in the moment. This is something I believe in. And you know what? The title of my blog: Butterfly Elephant? The initials say: BE. Just remember to BE.
Love to all who read.