Photo found here.
Something that has been repeatedly brought to my attention lately is people wanting help, but confronting a whole mess of reasons why they won't (or can't) ask for it.
Even I find it hard to reach out - it's a really difficult thing to do.
In our society of trying to do everything yourself, and trying to be self-sufficient and STRONG in the face of everything, we have made it shameful to ask for help.
That sounds a bit difficult to believe, even just writing it. But, even within families, I see a culture of the attitude 'do it yourself', 'have a cup of cement and harden up', and 'can't you see I have my own problems?'
True, some people seem to fall apart every second day - our degree of compassion for these people can feel depleted to the point of frustration.
But are we really so bad as to pretend that everything is just peachy when clearly it isn't? Can we truly be as cruel as to make people doubt even asking for help as a viable option?
And this isn't just about the people who aren't offering the help, it's about those who don't even ask for it.
Bottom line: as much as a lot of people would like it (even myself, sometimes) - people are not mind readers.
Even when you feel like you're dropping thousand tonne hints, they still may not see what you're getting at. Yes, people really can seem that dumb at times.
Realistically, if you feel like you're beginning to drown in problems, you need to tell someone.
Too many times, I have heard 'I didn't even know that anything was wrong...' said in sad tones. Do not let feeling ashamed of needing help stop you from talking to someone. (Obviously, this isn't the only reason why people don't reach out - it can be any number of reasons - but this is one that I see happening often enough.)
You know - every day you accept small pieces of help without thought. We need other people in our lives. The water you're drinking or using to make your tea and coffee - how do you think that gets to you? You don't do that alone. Your shirt? Your pants? Who made those? Who grew the cotton or made the fabric? You don't do that alone. (Though, you do look great it in it, by the way.)
A smile can truly make someone's day - it is a small assistance to find the happiness in life.
Let's move towards a society where asking for help when we truly need it is something brave, and speaking our heart instead of glossing over the dark parts is something to be admired.
Love to all who read.
What a great blog. A pleasure to read!
ReplyDeleteMy Mum once told me a saying in beautiful Mandarin. It translates roughly to "The monk crossing the bridge must take care he does not fall in himself!" According to Mum, it means that you can't help others with their problems if you have enough of your own.
As uncomfortable as it is, I think life would be a whole lot simpler if people were honest with themselves, and honest with each other. Especially when it meant talking about the hard stuff.
I'm glad that such posts as this exist in the world!