I have had mixed feelings about writing this post.
Ultimately I didn't want it to be disrespectful to anyone involved in what has recently happened.
But. Writing is my way out of the pain. At least. It's my way of dulling it slightly.
A family friend recently died. Taken quickly and suddenly out of his life. My pain from this occurrence is fairly minimal, as, while he was a large part of my life when I was younger, we hadn't seen him and his family with much regularity over the past few years. but I seem to be taking other people's pain on as my own.
I worry about my parents, and I try to just be there for them as much as I can. Because that's all I can do right now. But when I think about the pain that his family is going through..
My mum said something the other day, along the lines of this - 'For us, the pain will move through quicker and become something we can live with. But for them... to have to wake up every day and just acknowledge that he's still dead and he's not coming back...'
It has made me, and the people around me, more thankful for what they have in life. The night we found out, I cried. And Xin was there to put his arms around me. He didn't need to say anything, just hold me while I let the pieces go.
This has got me thinking about the petty feuds and problems going on in other families, and how it will all change if something sudden like this were to happen.
Over the last couple of days, I have said farewell to this friend, this adopted uncle, quite a few times. Through art, in my mind, and through my actions. And today, through my writing. I will always remember the quiet and calm way you had about you, and how you just seemed to glow with kindness every time I saw you. I will remember how you managed to make me feel calm, even without saying anything. I will remember the bow tie that you wore to my 21st, and how you greeted me with such joy and love that I remember all the time I had spent with your family in an instant. I will remember how you loved the sea, and I will not resent or become bitter because of your death, and I will do my best to emulate the kindness you showed towards everyone.
All my love.