To my dear friend,
I find myself thinking of you less and less lately. You have become a sensation; a feeling deep in my stomach, and a small mark on my heart.
Occasionally, when I think of you, I remember how frustrated I was with you. It brings back memories of your actions, your warmth. And also of how you didn't talk much about yourself. I used to find that incredibly irritating. I wanted to be able to respect your choice to distance yourself - I understood in part why you did it, after all. I wanted to respect that this was the way you lived your life, and, so far, it had worked. It's probably still working.
But something always made me think that it couldn't last for the rest of your life. It felt, to me, like a lonely existence. Like you never allowed yourself to get too close to people. Perhaps that's just me being judgemental and silly, but I come from a place of always wanted to know more about people.
I realise now why we couldn't be close. You never spoke to me about the 'why' or the 'how' of things, you just told me the 'what', and never elaborated. And, mostly, I'm happy to have gotten even that much. You didn't have it in you to risk your heart in the hope that you might make another close friend.
And that's okay. That's okay. Because eventually I'll find another close and special friend. And I have so many beautiful souls in my life now to help me. And, you know what? You taught me something. That I have a lot of inner power. And I feel much better when I trust in that.
I'm sending you wishes and love for your personal journey, and I hope you find what you're looking for.