despite spending a lot of time working on my perspectives on things, and coming to terms with my lot in life (not just that, but seeing the positive in it), I realised yesterday that I still don't allow myself to be upset very often.
Obviously I am of the group of thinkers that believe happiness can be found everywhere, and that we don't necessarily have to search high and low for it at all times. Just a change in perspective can find it.
But sometimes, when I'm upset about feeling really sick or not being able to see people as often as I'd like, I don't fully allow myself to feel that emotion. I just try to wash over it and get back to feeling happy.
This doesn't work very well. It leads to feeling grumpy, irritated, and even ignored. Because I haven't let out my feelings of being upset, they seep through the cracks and comes out in short bursts. It means that whenever I'm around certain people, if I haven't dealt with my emotions over something that happened before, they just come right on through and make me feel upset again in that person's presence. Which makes me feel like they only see me as someone who is upset a lot, because that's how I continue to act around them.
So, holding things in - it still doesn't work.
I haven't quite come up with a practise to help myself through this - I have a feeling a new ritual or space needs to be created here to deal with these feelings as they come up - but I feel better for having acknowledged that this is what I'm doing. One step forward, guys!
love to all who read.