Tuesday, September 11, 2012

thoughts on having illness

last night I had an awful migraine - a result of three days worth of headache from paint fumes, a tight neck, and a few other things. thankfully I was able to remove myself from the paint fumes, which has meant less head pain today.
unfortunately, the after effects of migraines can sometimes be quite difficult to deal with.
I woke up feeling okay and less painful than I had in days. After about an hour, though, I started to feel tired again, and ended up going back to sleep. Xin woke me about an hour later, so I eventually got up to have some breakfast.
I spent most of the morning on the couch writing and watching tv. And then I went to sleep again. For about two hours this time. After that, I spent about half an hour trying to get my body to move. I'd experienced sleep paralysis during my nap, too (which seems to be occurring a lot more lately when I nap).
I did manage to head out with Xin for some shopping and such, but I felt really sick during the whole experience. (Although I was happy enough at certain points. And I was proud of myself for managing to go out and get a few things done!)

Sometimes I wonder if I could get more done if I didn't have days (and sometimes weeks) like this. Where it's so difficult to do even small things.

There are a lot of insecurities that come up with this. But I'm sorting through it.

I'm managing to do a bit of writing and reading, and that makes me happy. I can keep going. Keep trying. And keeping looking for that peace inside me.

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