Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Trying to let go before you're ready tends to mean pushing things away.

I haven't posted in a few days because this week has been quite a struggle. It doesn't seem to matter how much rest I get, I just seem to have hit rock bottom. My energy levels are basically non-existent - even trying to deal with Bronte's playful nature leaves me exhausted (and I'm not talking about playing with her, I'm just talking about trying to walk from one room to the next while she dances around me).
The last day and a half have seen a re-introduction of low mood, near panic attacks, and incessant worry and stress, despite the fact that I've been staying home from work.
Yesterday was one of the worst days in awhile. I felt extremely sick and exhausted, and whenever I thought of anything outside my immediate surroundings, I would feel as if I was standing, balancing, on the very tip of a knife's edge. Falling either way meant having a panic attack or a similar breakdown of some sort.
Today I am not as bad. I am calmer, but still worried. The plan is to sleep at least half the day, and just really focus on the REST aspect of staying home.
To be honest, at this point, I am not interested in views of 'but if you sleep during the day, you won't sleep at night!' or 'you need to get some fresh air - otherwise you'll just get sicker.' No. These things will not help right now. I am not sleeping well as it is, and that's making me sicker. I have a serious sleep debt to catch up on. I get some fresh air every day, and so far I haven't seen a general improvement. I'm not interested in becoming a lazy blob that can't/won't do anything, but my body is screaming at me lately for rest.


And on that note, love to all who read. May your days be blessed with joy and love. <3

2 comments:

  1. No apologies needed my love- I'm proud of you for doing what you know is best, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

    ReplyDelete

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