The last few days for me (in fact, this entire week) has been pretty crazy in a way. I have been tested a few times and really had to keep coming back to a place of power.
When you have a chronic illness or you're going through a period of feeling really sick or dealing with a condition of some sort that people can't really see, there's this huge temptation to get angry and self-righteous with people when you feel like you're not being listened to. You feel the need to stomp your feet and (in my case) constantly remind people that you are always tired, and you're always feeling pretty damned sick. Little tantrums aren't too far away at this point.
And yet you still get this little voice in the back of your mind saying it isn't anyone's fault that you're feeling so icky, and so you shouldn't be trying to place fault on other people for what you're experiencing. Even if you're not being heard, the only person that really needs to believe you is YOU. I cannot stress this enough.
If I'm feeling sick and I know I need to rest, then that's the end of it. There is no 'but maybe this person feels they need to take care of me' or 'but they don't UNDERSTAND how sick I'm feeling!'. It's just 'I am sick and I need to go lie down for awhile'. This is hard to maintain at times - especially when you're caught up in expectations and responsibilities and all that other stuff involved in reality. But the very very basic fact of the matter is that we cannot care for others without first caring for ourselves. If you continue to care for others and just keep giving and giving without ever replenishing your reserves, you're going to run dry pretty quickly. And believe me, running dry of inspiration and wisdom and all those good things - it doesn't feel too fantastic.
I hope you'll excuse me now because there's something else I'd like to talk about. Towards the end of last year I was kind of in a panicky stage (fairly similar to how I've been feeling lately, although now I know where to look when I'm feeling lost). It was a time when I wasn't sure I was doing anything decent with my life, and I wasn't sure that having a future was a possibility for me.
I'd love to tell you that I fixed everything up myself through the beauty of love and faith, but that's only partly true. My friends and my family were there for me, but I needed an extra push to help me through.
That's where a little workbook came in for me. It came from a gorgeous woman who is so comfortable with her spirituality and so motivated by her personal business that she truly inspires me. This is something very special to me that I am sharing with you. Using the workbook and planner, I was able to remember the amazing things I had done in 2011, and plan towards my dreams in 2012. And now I'm halfway through the year and I'm feeling the need to pull it out again and remember the joy I felt from using it.
I was lucky enough that my partner, Xin, graciously purchased it for me (after I raved about it and lusted after it for a few days). I had been reading Leonie's blog for a little while by then, and was convinced that whatever she was on, I wanted some. And from her I was able to open up to possibilities again. And that's so important to me, especially with my world getting a little smaller again lately.
Anyway, if you'd like to take a look, please head on over here and check it out. (psst: while I know it's called a "Goddess workbook" and seems a little feminine, don't judge a book by it's cover. this has been such an invaluable resource for me and I cannot recommend it enough <3 :)) I also recommend checking out Leonie's blog (sparkle sparkle!) as I still get an amazing amount of inspiration from her and her love of life.
Anyway, tomorrow I'll be back with another tea review and maybe a book review as well. This week is hopefully going to be a little lighter on me, so I'm hoping to throw myself into the blog a little more so everyone can find something they like!
Love to all who read <3