connection is a topic that is very close to my heart since I realised how much I crave and need it in my life. when I talk of connection here, it is usually connection with friends and relatives, but I also use the word connection to umbrella a number of things - connection with myself and my inner power, connection with nature, connection with literature... I could go on.
right now, I am pondering connection with others. I have often considered myself someone who survives relatively well in social situations. realistically, sometimes I shut down when there's too many people to talk to - too many people to process. often at parties you would find me sitting outside looking at the stars while everyone else was inside dancing or yelling at each other over the inordinately loud music. when I couldn't go outside, you'd find me as close to a corner as possible, trying to have a decent conversation with someone.
Sure, sometimes I go out to dance and I'm not at all interested in talking to people (this is quite rare, but does happen). At those times I usually need to get something out of my system. I need to feel wild and crazy for awhile and just move my body until I'm sufficiently exhausted. These times occur maybe... three times a year?
The thing is, I prefer deep and meaningful discussions with people I care deeply about, rather than meaningless utterings that last maybe a couple of minutes before you move on to someone else (goodness, thank the fates I have Xin, I'd be awful at speed-dating XD).
My thoughts on this stem from going out last night for the first time in awhile. I have been craving connection with people outside my immediate loves - I have been wanted to see others, to experience other's energies. And I did. And I loved it. But the problem now is - it has made me crave more. And now that I don't have Facebook, it is much more difficult for me to contact them. Because facebook did offer me the ease and gentleness of suggesting to someone - "oh wow I loved catching up with you last night! let us get together for a hot beverage sometime :D" - whereas now I'm feeling as if I'm cast adrift in a sea of 'not-knowing-what-to-do'. I have withdrawn from social arenas for some time because of being so busy and, lately, being so sick once more. but there are people outside of my family, Xin, and Chris, that I wish to heart-connect with.
Probably my tactic will end up being - I miss them. therefore I will message them/contact them in any way I can. now. and if they don't wish to continue a connection with me, I will back off, lick my wounds, and try someone else. I always have my immediate family and adopted family for support <3
love to all who read.