Thursday, November 17, 2011

feeling connected

oh this feeling I have right now. It's so...delicious. It fills my heart with music and makes me feel light and content!

After a couple of days of feeling a bit bleh and feeling down on myself FOR FEELING bleh (as Xin referred to it - double depression), I'm so happy to be feeling myself again. I feel true to myself  currently. There are decisions being made, clearing of spaces, dreams, writing, meditation, yoga! OH. And reading! I finished a wondrous book today, and am feeling so secure and happy in the knowledge that I ADORE reading - and I ADORE that I adore reading! XD

I am currently in the process of just feeling where I need to go, what I want, and being okay with wanting things. I am making efforts to overcome uncomfortable feelings, and to be more present in other people's lives - but in a loving and respectful manner that doesn't test my own perseverance. I am working on being okay with getting frustrated and NOT GETTING THINGS RIGHT all the time. I never considered myself a perfectionist - but I have spent a lot of my life being crippled by self-doubt. This means that I do not attend new classes and such a lot of the time for fear that I will MAKE A MISTAKE. But isn't the class for learning? Aren't teachers expecting to have to teach? Not just pass on information and have everyone get it right the first time? Otherwise, what is learning FOR?? Mistakes can be beautiful, too, and I know that. Ah, joy!

Getting back in touch with myself has meant that I'm starting to figure a few things out - things are becoming clearer and less fuzzy, confusing, and upsetting. I feel stronger than ever. But I'm also okay with being weak.

Anyway! Enough of my joyful rambling. I'm off to investigate lovely things a little more! <3

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