Thanks to Havi of The Fluent Self Blog for lovely traditions. Moving on...
Euch. Euch. Decisions are too hard and I've been feeling much too sick to deal with anything, especially study or decisions and chase-ups about my future. It's been impounding on me a lot more lately.
Guilt has been hovering over my shoulder much too often lately, along with his frustrating friend disappointment. Oh, and anxiety has been floating around too. A lot.
SICK. I know I mentioned it already, but my CFS has been acting up like CRAZY this week (I think since last week's horrible rush-to-the-finish seminar) and it's been hard pulling through. Study is creeping up on me awfully fast lately - my next major assignment is due in three weeks. THREE WEEKS. I know that may seem like a lot, but given my current condition and impounding stress - GYEARGH.
Misunderstandings and awkwardness (leading to MORE icky stress) between me and people I care about has been really awful. It's made me feel worthless and completely confused about everything that's happening in my life, and made me go back to bad habits about health-guilt and such. I don't feel that I should feel bad for taking time away from Uni when I know I need to, but sometimes when things get bad I go back to "maybe I should be trying harder" and such. Ick. Paranoia has been rife here too.
ONCE MORE WITH FEELING - SICK. This just feel horrible as it is. And worse than it has been in awhile. I think all the stress from above is adding up horribly.
GAMING has really been a savior for me while I've been sick. It's given me back some glee and excitement, and even more bonding power with not only my beloved Xin, but my brother too. Plus, they're fun!
Some glee has come from possibilities for future study, and from breakthroughs in current study, but they have been relatively minimal.
Xin has made things easier in a lot of areas, and has supported me through a lot of stuff. So more love to him :)
Good conversations with people I care about have been helpful, but too minimal for my liking.
Uhm. Not sure really... Yes. In a bit of a bad mood now so that is colouring my entry, but I honestly can't think of much more...
Very Personal Ads
Thing One: RELIEF
What I want: .Just some release. Some assistance to let things go and to be okay with letting things go. To be comfortable with getting the rest I need.
How this could happen: I honestly don't actually know. Perhaps friendship intervention.... or ability to get away from my rut.
My commitment: to be okay with myself. to relax and move through this in a way that is slow and steady.
Well, last time I wanted help with my relationship with money, and I think I'm still moving through that.
I also wanted some macarons - and I got some!! Two in fact. One was pistachio with white chocolate, and the other was citrus with salted caramel. Oh my goodness they were delicious.
Thing three last time was rest, and I guess I got that, but not quite the peaceful rest I needed. As I seem to be needing some more.. Ah well.