Okay, this post was going to be a big rage-a-thon against a certain person in my life that manages to make me feel completely worthless and stupid without meaning to (the majority of the time). In fact, I even wrote out said rage-a-thon. However, half way through my rant, I realised that it wasn't telling the story of how it happened, or even the person involved, but the way it made me feel that mattered.
I felt like all of the energy had been instantly drained out of me. Like all I could do effectively was sleep and cry occasionally. Like my personal choices are always going to be bad ones because I'm influenced by my illnesses. That perhaps I'm letting my illnesses rule my life.
All I want to do is be able to go up to this person and say "you know what? only my choices about my life are the ones that matter, not yours. and I'm doing a pretty good job of looking after myself and my interests, while still attempting to enjoy life and all it has to offer. so I'd appreciate it if you didn't make snide comments about my health when I'm rapturously talking about my dreams to travel and to work and to write. that's not supportive enough. so perhaps it is not me that is making the ineffective choices about life and the way to handle it, but you."
I don't think I'll ever be able to say that. They don't even know how much they upset me by their throw-away comment. and I'd prefer it to remain that way for now.
Sorry for the randomness of this post, but I needed to talk to someone, and my blog was all that was available.