here we go again~~
sick sick sick.
my body seemed to be throwing quite a bit at me this week - it was rather alarming! three migraines, multiple stomach problems (not too severe, thankfully), flu/cold-type symptoms, chronic fatigue fogginess. random pains! not-so-random pains! XD
stuck stuck stuck.
there has been a couple of shoes thrown in my direction this week. I've done my best to react calmly and in an understanding way - after all, shoes aren't about me, they're about the shoe-thrower. I wrote some letters-that-will-never-be-delivered - secret letters. these made me feel better - I'm liking them as a tactic for coping and calming. certain shoes were harder to deal with than others. mostly because of the particular thrower-of-shoes. and my relationship with them. it was confusing and hurtful, and it required a bit of working. still does. and thus - stuckifiedness. especially today!
Xin has been away a lot over the past week and a half - I'm so happy he's having fun and doing stuff he wants to do, but I'm missing him awfully. he's over in Sydney right now, shopping and having fun (i think. XD), so I can't wait til I get to see him again. but of course, he has work, so that will have to wait too. which is okay! i want to be supportive. ^_^ it's hard, but time alone never hurt me [much] before! XD
when do I ever have a week without the awful ick-monster? that's okay, though, because i'm getting better at dealing with him/her.
there has been some silence on the part of a lot of friends, and some demanding on the parts of others. both are making me uncomfortable and sometimes upset. this still requires some strength and working.
i've realised that i'm an expert rester. i've gotten really good at realising how often i need to rest, and how to rest effectively. going stir-crazy is still a risk, but i can often counteract that with some careful yoga or some daydreaming about things that could happen AFTER assignmenting is done. (three weeks left!)
this has also brought to my attention how bad at resting others are. the reactions of some people to how much i rest is another addition to the ick, but i'm trying hard to hold onto my rights as an olympic rester.
falling in love with another author. yay~ i want to run up to the person who introduced me to her and give them a big hug... hmm. perhaps a msg-form hug will do :D
i have come up with a new code-phrase for 'study' - the word 'study' makes me feel like i should be chained to a desk, only leaving to see to basic things like using the bathroom. sunlight is absolutely not allowed, nor is resting. this is not a good place for me to be in! so now, 'study' shall be referred to as "Gleeful Progress Time". doesn't that sound more inviting? it also helps with procrastination for me, though that is still something that needs work!
i have been relying a little more on my powers of observation and childlike wonder lately - small things are what get me through the day sometimes. things like postcards from a friend <3, little msgs from another sweet friend, homemade cupcakes from my brother's girlfriend, new books, and new tea. tea in general. sunlight and changing leaves (the chinese tallow in our backyard has decided it's officially autumn - it's beautiful). songs of simple joviality. wearing my favourite seven-year-old shoes (my shoes could be in 2nd grade! XD) and admiring the holes in them.
they are really making things easier and more fun. they make the day easier to start, and I get excited about getting up to do them. they could possibly come under the "small things" subtitle, but they are big and lovely for me right now. like a sort of morning firework filled with sunshine and shiny. XD
NEW: What I want from this week...
~more understanding. more human contact.
~more personal work in terms of dealing with loneliness and unhappy emotions.
~more morning routines! hopefully something that I ordered for my yoga practice will come this week...
~speaking of packages - books! I ordered one ages ago...still waiting... XD
~more planning. progress.
~more small, joyful, gleeful, beautiful things! (warm fuzzies?)