you know, facebook really isn't a good place to try and talk about your issues with life. people immediately start thinking of you as someone who shares too much, or someone who whines a lot. or maybe the don't, but that's what it feels like.
the thing is, with some of the stuff I'm having to deal with lately, I need a decent outlet to talk these things out without making an exhibition of myself. I do have my own personal writing and journalling, but sometimes that's not enough. sometimes this is what a blog is for. plus it helps me to present what's happening in a more eloquent way than blurting it out in a 420-character-limit status update.
my health has been exceedingly frustrating lately. more so than usual. I'm flirting with the idea of going back to see my doctor for yet another diagnosis - this time of mild fibromyalgia. please look here for more information...
anyway, I've been dealing with constant pain and lethargy and multiple other things lately, most probably brought on by stress (this often happens at the end of a semester. I do my best to ward it off - meditation and gentle exercise, enforcement of a regular sleeping routine (HA!), etc, but it often doesn't work) and it's making me ever-more stressed since I'm having to take more and more time to rest and consequently less and less time to get my last two assessments done satisfactorily.
So, here I am. a week tomorrow before everything is due and I'm doing my best to stay level-headed. I've pulled things together with three days to spare before (not that I like doing it), so with a week and a little help from my fellow students and friends, I think I should be okay. Luckily enough I was granted an extension when I asked since I'm on the disability services assistance list now - my fieldwork project was originally due on Monday, but I've now got til Friday. I have a presentation with Xin that day too, but I know we'll be fine. We know our subject matter well and we're both pretty good at presentations, even if we haven't presented together before.
things that are keeping me happy lately: tea, new books arriving in the mail (yay Anne Bishop!), getting lovely little things from friends reminding me how strong I am, Xin's love, mum making soup for my lunch <3 (she makes AMAZING soup), thinking about the future and the possibility of moving out with friends and maybe finally realising my dream of becoming a full-time writer - this is my ideal and most-wished for job!, and, finally, Miss Brontesaurus being her adorable self.
sometimes optimism can become delusion, but I think my optimism can sometimes help me along when things seem completely bleak. It makes me miss the simple things, though. Like being able to go out with friends without having to count the energy cost later...
ps. the name of this blog is related to things that I've been thinking about lately that I haven't written about. perhaps I'll tell you another time. :P <3