Lately, I have been getting frustrated, angry, upset, nothingy, and anxious about constantly having to deal with physical and mental health ickyness.
But what if, to an extent, people are always "in repair"? We're always working on our own stuff, it's just sometimes it's easier to move through, and sometimes it's like trying to carry many vampire elephants on your shoulders (they're heavy as hell, and suck the life right out of you!).
So I think I need to just get past the horrible feelings of having-to-do-this-all-over-again-oh-my-goodness-when-can-I-get-past-all-this and move onto actually working on the ickyness itself.
Some friends have been extremely supportive, others I don't know how to approach, and, when I do, the experience ends up making me feel like it isn't worth it.
I'm currently working on making my desk space (and the area above my desk) nice and inspiring so that I don't feel so distracted and horrible when I'm studying. I'm going to put together and inspiration board in here (like I do sometimes in my bedroom), and I'm going to put things that bring the warm fuzzies around on the shelf above my desk. I'm also working on myself, and I'm going to try to be more expressive in different kinds of ways - like painting, writing, drawing, scribbling, etc. I'm also going to try writing down things that help with talking to the ickyness, since I seem to be encountering the same stuff over and over.
In other news, I saw my doctor today. Some painful prods, blood tests, and discussion later, I was feeling a bit worse than before. I had already been feeling pretty faint, and then they took three full vials of blood out of me XD I ended up having to nap for a long time when I got home, and I'm trying to eat some sweet stuff to restore my blood sugar level.
Finally, just a note on my day (apart from doctor's visits and ickyness). Xin and I headed out to go op-shopping for kids toys for where he works, since often clients come in with their kids. It was a pretty fun expedition, and we got to see a friend that we hadn't seen in some time, so that was good. Xin ended up with quite a few decent toys, and I picked up a cute little sequin top, complete with a pretty girl and her dog, and a nice argyle-style scarf. I adore op-shopping!
Anyway, I would like to get some readings done if I can focus (>remains hopeful<), so off I trot~ I might also see if I can find a new book to become absorbed in... nothing is tickling my fancy lately!