Monday, February 21, 2011

Trip of Guilt.

Yes, so. My doctor has told me that my body is battling a virus, which is why I've been feeling so shoddy and painful lately. So basically she said "rest, and lots of fluids, and zinc and vitamin c". So that's what I'm doing! There were a lot of so's in that paragraph..

Tomorrow was supposed to be a big day for me, and it's looking like it might have to be cancelled. I've already had to back out of going to Tai Chi tonight (a decision that I did NOT want to make..) and sleeping over at my lovely Gentleman's house. T_T
Tomorrow was supposed to be orientation stuffs, coffee with Xin and a new friend, and then in the evening my first French class! My body seems to be demanding that I rest tomorrow, but I think it still depends on how much sleep I get tonight. I think if I get enough sleep tonight and feel better in the morning, I may be able to pull it off.

I've noticed that whenever I get sick my immediate reaction is to rest, and then cancel everything the next day so I can rest some more. Sounds like a healthy option now that I've typed it out like that, but goodness to I feel guilty about it. I'm tried talking to myself about it, I've tried talking to others - even to the point of asking "Do I look sick?" (ask Xin, he has heard this question many-a-time). I begin to question myself, wondering if I'm cancelling things because I'm nervous or don't want to go, or because I'm ACTUALLY sick and this is what my body is asking for. And most of the time, once I've started questioning myself this way, I end up not knowing which way is up. And I think this may be because I'm over-analysing myself. Perhaps, what is ACTUALLY happening is that I'm sick. And from this, my body and brain are going "hey - rest time!" while little analytical me sits there and questions it til the cows come home. (Not that the cows come home... We don't have any cows.)
Tomorrow I'm going to take it slow, keep in touch with my body and the little walls it's trying to build, and only go to things if I think I can and it won't have a negative impact on me later. <3

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