Thursday, February 10, 2011

Not quite connected.

Today was a very blah day for me. I didn't do much at all, because I didn't want to and didn't feel I could.

The one thing I did do (aside from go to the library) was go with my Gentleman to an award ceremony. I'm so very proud of him - he got an award for his work as a mentor. Now, I could go on for ages about how wonderful Xin is and how much I love him, but I know that and he knows it and that's enough.

What I need to talk about is one of the other students who received an award. She won a dux award and was required to make a speech. And as soon as she got up there and began to talk, it was so clear that she was completely connected with the world and what she believed her purpose to be. And that's when I realised that I'm so unlike that. 

I've always sort of... drifted. I've had a vague idea of where I'm going and what I want, but never a true pull towards a specific path or future. And I have to wonder if I'm okay with that. I used to be, but now I feel different. I feel like I need to find something specific to hold on to, instead of just going with things.

I guess my question (which I now pose to the Universe at large, in hopes of an answer in some form or another) is: should I be looking for my special specific purpose? Or perhaps 'purpose' is an inappropriate word for this... perhaps 'desire' would suit better.

Hmm. Thoughts.

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