Fear

I don't think that there is any FINAL and DEFINITE solution to dealing with fear.

Because it is an emotion we create, and EXPERIENCE, intensely. 

In some situations, facing your fear is the only way to move forward. We can revel in the courage that it took us to do that; we can call ourselves heroes and truly feel such.

In other situations, gently making friends with our fear is what works. Getting to know it, understand it. Meeting ourselves where we are and showing compassion for that instead of charging in with swords raised to fight a foe that is already cowering in the corner.

Sometimes fear is helpful - it assists us in knowing that we are alive and that we have something to fight for in this life. There is so much emotion and strength in that.

I am tentatively turning to face a fear this week. One that has been slowly coming to the surface of the pool of my mind. One that truly terrifies me and, if it is true (perhaps I'm still in denial), makes me want to run and hide; or to lash out at those that give suggestions on how to deal with it.

I cannot yet articulate it to anyone - I find I cannot understand it myself and to announce it to anyone else would shatter the calm and tentative exploring that I am carrying out.

I am neither making friends with this fear nor am I fighting it (yet). I am simply watching and waiting. Curious at what shape it will take when it finally reveals itself properly. Examining the parts I can see and trying to figure out how deep the go, and if it has connections to anything else.

Now that I have written that.. I see it like a water lily - it is just beginning to bloom on the surface of my mind. I can see the beginning of it's opening petals, it's leaves, but I cannot see what is underneath - how far down do those roots go? What else is down there feeding off of this fear?

I have spent a few days fighting the impulse to explore this, but I know I can't do that any more. I need to go within. If I cannot remove this water lily, at the very least I can watch it bloom and figure out the how, why and when later.

Love to all who read.

4 comments emotions, musings, thoughts