Thursday, November 3, 2011
What do you do when the feelings you have don't have a place to go? Like a lost entity floating around the cosmos, desperately seeking it's destination.
You cannot channel them into something else - it will work for a time but always return back to you, beseeching you with it's desire for a home. 
And yet there no longer is a home for these feelings. Like an orphaned it wanders back to where it thinks it's home should be, only to find the windows boarded, the door locked, everything they knew about safety crumbled and different.
These feelings can be powerful then, in their loss of purpose. They are no longer your friend - no longer your comfort or your solace. They cloak themselves in anger and confusion - forcing you to be someone you do not like - someone you do not want. 
Yes. They have power now.
They place you in front of a screen continuously playing the things you don't want to see nor want to think of. You cannot look away. Here, a scene of something that might have been; there, a shot of what gave you false hope in the past. The present is no longer relevant - only the desire to break free of it's hold.
And then, you begin to notice something. Each day, the vice-like grip around your throat becomes looser. The scenes on the screen begin to skip. And then, when you're able, you look around to see that cloak of angry and confusion discarded on the floor. And those feelings? Scattered on the breeze.

I have not quite reached that last part with some of my feelings yet. There is a part of me gripping the chair and refusing to move - so spellbound by the images I see from there. But another part of me recognises a need to move on. To see those feelings released. And to feel that final breeze of contentment.

p.s. this may be poorly written. it came at a time when i was considering a lot of things. but writing... writing releases me. it helps me to express myself where talking is no longer easy.

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