Slight Absence

I just wanted to write a little something and apologise for my absence recently.  I am still having ideas of what to write about and such, but I am experiencing a lot of vulnerability and trying to work through some uncomfortable things, and also I wanted to finish my Aurealis awards reading (finished, yay!).

I have been pondering a little more about making do, and being grateful for what I have. It's a mixed up topic in my head, but it is something I am mulling over - turning over in my mind and looking at it from different angles.

I have also been looking at the pain I experience from different angles, trying to understand it better - something I have been trying to do for years now. It still baffles me to a certain extent, and I feel like I am trying so hard to do something - move through it, focus on breathing, find a way to make the pain less present. It's a trial process, and I am feeling very tired.

I will be back soon with some book reviews and perhaps a few other things. Love to all who read!

Leave a Comment rambling, thoughts, updates

spoonie diaries #4: the fear of 'not doing enough'

Oh man, is this one I deal with regularly. This sort of thought leads to a mountain of guilt, which is really difficult to handle and can lead to making stress worse, making someone feeling more anxious, and also lead to depression and negative thoughts about yourself.

Here are some classic thoughts that I have had come up with this one:

~ "I should be better by now." - okay, this one can also pop up as me projecting or assuming that that it was what other people are thinking about me when they say certain things. And it is quite damaging, because it is something that is just not helpful. In some ways, I may never get 'better' (and what does 'better' even mean? it's different things to different people. for some it's pain-free, for others it's no symptoms whatsoever, for others it's just being able to function at a normal pace), and so putting pressure on myself to get to this mystical - sometimes unattainable - place is just frustrating. It's like pushing against a wall trying to convince yourself that one day you will be able to push it over.

~ "I should be doing more to find a cure." - oh man, this is just as frustrating as the previous one. I get advice from all over the place on stuff I should be trying out (note: aside from some of the most obscure stuff, I have probably tried it. Maybe twice.), there are times when I have fallen into a bit of a slump and not been able to even think about trying to get better. I eat poorly for a little while, and just focus on doing what I feel like. But I've come to realise that even then, I am still committed to healing myself. It may not seem like much, but I am thinking healing thoughts, I am trying to support my body and my mind by giving myself a break from pushing and pushing.

To be honest, I have actually... not so much 'given up' but ceased looking for a 'cure'. The overwhelming evidence has shown me that maintenance/management is the way to go for me. Improving my diet, getting more exercise that I enjoy, being more involved in things socially. I am working on being what Brene Brown calls 'whole-hearted' (check this link for more info on that lovely thing) and looking after myself, without feeding into the somewhat damaging belief that I will find this perfect cure for everything I deal with, after thirteen/fourteen years of not finding it. [that's not to say that if something starts working really well I won't jump on it.] I just feel like it's best for me at the moment.

You know what? I am more excited about management than I am about trying to see another specialist, try another drug, or, hopefully never again, have another hospital procedure. I like trying to eat healthier, trying new foods (particularly fermented foods like kimchi - yum!), and getting back into some exercise that I used to love (swimming and yoga!). I really think being excited and feeling some semblance of control over the management of my illnesses (of my life) makes me feel so much better, and less likely to get brought down from the fear of 'not doing enough'.

What about you? Have you experienced the thoughts I mentioned above? How do you cope with them?

Love to all who read.

Leave a Comment health, spoonie diaries, thoughts

Tea Review: Green Tea in 3

So, here's the deal. I love tea. I love how it can help with an upset tummy, soothe a sore throat, put you to sleep or pep you up. It can even just be a general calmer. 
In Tea Reviews I will give you a few details of the tea, an overall rating, and some thoughts. If you see something you like, I encourage you to go and try the tea yourself! I'll often try and let you know where you can buy it or provide a link.
Enjoy!
(Psst! If you want me to review a specific tea, just comment and let me know! If you can provide a sample, that would be great too!)

Green Tea in 3

green tea in 3 website

Initial Thoughts: Fascinating and kind of fun product! I was intrigued by this after a friend tried it out, and then I started seeing it pop up in my instagram feed. Basically each sachet contains really ground up green tea (that's what I figure - it's really 'green tea extract', but I am confused as to the difference between the two) with fruit extract. It has three flavours - Peach, Blueberry, and Green Apple. 

Taste: I initially wondered if this would be too sweet or too bitter - green tea can sometimes make things taste wayyy too grassy for most people, and the addition of fruit can swing it over to the other side of things, making it so sweet you wonder how much sugar they put in, but this was the perfect flavour for me. Not too sweet, not too bitter. And all that's in it is 90% green tea, 10% fruit. Make green tea in three seconds... Are you intrigued yet?

Colour: Amber yellow.

Recommendations and thoughts: So far I have only had this cold, but it really is helping me drink more water. I would say that if you have a sensitive stomach, maybe balance it out by drinking normal water as well as tea, because it can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming if you just keep making more and more green tea (as I did on my first day of trying these because it was delicious...). Also, I would recommend trying one of the sample packs first if you can (pictured above) so you can figure out what flavours you like and dislike (if any).

Price: I found the sample packs in a local health food store for $3.95 each (comes with a sachet of each flavour). Check the website for prices of bigger packs.

Next time... I have really been enjoying The English Tea Shop teas lately, so I would like to review one or two of them if I can!

1 comment reviews, tea

Book Review: Bad Romeo by Leisa Rayven

I love reading. Books are amazing. They are a form of escapism, yes, but they are also inspiration, joy, and... well. Goodness. I think in some ways I have used my appetite for reading to define parts of my personality, so it made sense for me to review some of what I read! Here we go...

goodreads

Title: Bad Romeo
Author: Leisa Rayven
Series: Starcrossed #1
Publication Date: January 2015

Synopsis: "When Cassie Taylor met Ethan Holt at acting school, sparks flew. She was the good girl actress. He was the bad boy about campus. But one fated casting choice for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet change it all. Like the characters they were playing, Cassie and Ethan's romance seemed destined. Until he broke her heart and betrayed her trust. Now the A-list heartthrob is back in her life and turning her world around. One touch at a time.

Cast as romantic leads once again, they're forced to confront raw memories of the heartbreaking lows and pulse-pounding highs of their secret college affair. 
But they also discover that people who rub each other the wrong way often make the best sparks."

My thoughts: I honestly don't mind the occasional (or frequent) jump into what is generally known as "chic lit", and the new genre of New Adult is intriguing, but also confusing, to me. I don't mind a trashy novel here and there - readers can happily suspend belief of certain things happening for a decent couple of hours of gentle (sometimes steamy) entertainment, after all. And some of the trashy novels I have read have left me feeling happier than quite a few of the more 'high brow' literature pieces (let's not get into the fact that often literature is there to make you think, rather than feel good, right now).

However, I have to say I was a little disappointed with this one. Okay, very disappointed. Aside from a few sweet moments and the odd steamy make-out session, the storyline and characters of Bad Romeo kind of put me off. It felt like a big jumble of stereotypes and misplaced affections rolled into one, and that made it feel like it was setting young women (as this is classified as New Adult) up for long periods of lusting after someone that was just emotionally unavailable to them.

The acting scenes were certainly interesting and held me intrigued for some time, but I found myself feeling like I had read this before. And then I realised that I was getting a very similar tone from this book as I had from Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James - just, obviously, without as much sex.

The story ends quite nicely (if a bit ambiguously) in the end, and I still got an inkling of that happy-romance feel, but I feel like this book just wasn't for me - I have read many other chic lit/romance/erotica-type books and felt like they had a better, more interesting storyline with more believable characters. A low score from me on this one, unfortunately.

You would like this book if: If you enjoy books that make you feel a bit frustrated, but leave you with a fairly sweet ending.

Rating:  5/10

If you'd like to keep up to date with what I'm reading, follow me on Goodreads here!

Leave a Comment book review, books

KPop CloseUp #5

Hi guys! This week I'm going to look at something that I call 'fan control', where the fans seem to have more control over the idols than they do over themselves, and also when fans kind of go... wild.

There have been many instances over the years where artists have broke down into tears over feeling like they have been 'lying to' their fans, or letting them down in some way. Taeyeon of Girls Generation did this late last year (2014) because it was discovered that she had been secretly dating Baekhyun of EXO. And then, once the fans found out and it was confirmed by SM Entertainment, both Baekhyun and Taeyeon made apology posts on social media - apologising for lying to their fans, for hurting them, and also to try and alleviate some of the betrayal that fans were experiencing because of what had come to light.

Bear with me here.

When it was revealed that Jonghyun of SHINee was dating someone (I believe an actress called Sin Se-kyeong), fans of Jonghyun attacked Sin's personal website, causing it to be shut down. Apparently they were leaving multiple unsavoury and vicious comments, because they were angry that she was dating their favourite idol. (For a look at some of the other things SHINee has had to cope with over the years, head to this fanpage. It stops around mid-2013, but it gives an idea.)

These are just two examples, but there are many others. Privacy is apparently not a thing in the world of a KPop Idol. [as a side note, I just want to say that I think this is ridiculous. But we will get to that more later.]

And that's not all. There's also these people called sasaeng - sometimes referred to as 'sasaeng fans', but I'm with other people here in that I will not call them 'fans', because they just go so far that they seem to only want to hurt the objects of their obsessions.
Sasaengs are stalkers, people that take their affection so far into the realm of obsession that they have been known to grope stars as they walk past, break into their homes and steal their underwear or try to kiss them while they're sleeping, hire cabs to chase their favourite band's van on the road - often leading to horrific car accidents, or even to drug drinks that they give to idols, because it would be 'funny'.

One of the worst affected groups is JYJ, the group formerly part of TVXQ that I mentioned last week. JYJ has had it all and then some - fanatics (not 'fans', fanatics) that follow them 24/7, take photos of their houses, sell their contact information online, even send them their menstrual fluid (I just... what?). A couple of articles detailing some of the things that have happened to them, including being physically injured by fans throwing rocks at them can be found here. Read if you're in desperate need of a way to be angry at the state of the world.

I'm quite new to the KPop fandom, I must admit. I dabbled in asian pop back in early high school (when I was about 13 or so onwards), but have only recently started buying albums and supporting my favourite artists, but I have to admit that I am often horrified and disappointed by the behaviour of fans and sasaengs towards idols. The sasaengs are obviously way over the line with their behaviour - legally, morally, emotionally - but I do find that sometimes 'normal' fans upset me, too. They feel like they own these people, and thus are allowed to dictate who they date, what they wear, and comment on their choices in life. We do this with pop stars in the Western world, too, but at least then assualts of idols are few and far between. In Korea it seems to happen on a regular basis, which saddens me greatly.

Generally, when stuff like this happens and idols are forced to comment, they often state that they just wish they could have a normal life - dress how they want, write music about what they want, date who they want, without people attacking every little thing they do. I know some people are going to say 'but that's what happens when you get famous. they should have known what they were getting into', but shouldn't a line be drawn somewhere here?

And, to return to my favourite two people at the moment, here is another video from Eat Your Kimchi that talks about why they would never become KPop Idols - it pretty much sums up my feelings here.

I haven't yet thought a lot about what I'm going to write next week, but maybe I will go into more detail about specific groups! I'll try not to cover SHINee first... XD

Annyeong!

1 comment KPop CloseUp

Somehow 'Compromise' Became a Dirty Word

I am often very thoughtful about the concept of being unapologetically myself - of meeting myself where I am, giving myself what I need, being true Bethwyn around others. And I love that work, I love that feeling because it lights me up and makes me glow.

And I encourage that in other people. I show the value of true self-care and self-love, and I wax lyrical on the values of giving yourself the space to just be.

That hasn't changed. It's still something that I feel, and that I think on.

But lately I have also been considering the value of compromise - not compromising on who you are, but compromising on the way you exhibit that inner you-ness. Because, the thing is, if you are in a relationship - any sort really, including a friendship or the relationship between you and your mum or cousin - you are going to have moments when true you bumps up against true them, and it doesn't feel comfortable.

Hopefully, the other person is all about people being themselves and being kind, too, and so you can feel comforted in that way. And yet, there is still a level of discomfort there, sitting idly, making you feel...troubled.

You start (well, at least I do) to ask questions about your true self and why it's bumping up against this other lovely human - is true me actually not that great? have I been caught in my own world for too long? why is this happening? - until the discomfort grows a bit.

If this happens to me (and it does), I tend to notice some old depression triggers surfacing. I don't know what to do, and so my brain goes back to the old tried-and-true methods of 'coping' - shutting down, getting emotional, shutting OUT. And I have only recently started to question those reactions.

The fact is, I want to show compassion. Not just to myself, but to others. And that means sitting with the discomfort and working with it, working with the other person so they don't feel shut out or neglected, and showing myself that I don't have to go down those old pathways and end up in a confused heap.

I still don't really know how this works or how to do it that well, but I'm working on it every day. And, while I think people definitely benefit from being unapologetically themselves, they may need to compromise (there's that word again) a bit so that they can make space for others to be unapologetically themselves.

Being you doesn't always have to mean shutting down on other things, it can mean joyfully exploring differences with someone you love. Because being me doesn't just involve reading a lot, or being an introvert, it can also mean gently stepping outside my comfort zone with someone I love, doing something they love because true Bethwyn loves to share experiences like that.


True Bethwyn just hopes that this post makes sense beyond the realm of her own brain.
Love to all who read.

2 comments love, thoughts

wishes

I've been in a bit of a state of thought lately, considering what I want to do with my year. But not just that, I have been considering what my skills and talents are (sometimes something that is hard to remember, for many people), what I want my life to look like ideally, and things that I have been avoiding for fearful reasons.

I'm still not sure what these things mean, or how they will come together. When I think about my blog, I want more for it, but I don't have solid ideas, just a few little wisps of things in my peripheral vision, trying to get my attention.

Different thoughts somehow linking...

My bias from my favourite KPop group (SHINee's Jonghyun) is releasing his first solo album in a few days time, and I'm extremely excited. On Wednesday, he released his first full-length song, called Deja-Boo. I enjoyed it so much that I started listening to it over and over again - something I do with new albums that I like. I have a ritual of sitting down with my walkman (such old technology!) and the new CD, and listening to it fully once with no distractions, and then listening to it over and over again while doing other things to slowly absorb it into myself.

This is what I've been doing with Deja-Boo. 

I absorb it into me so that it can continue to exist within me, in a weird way. So that I can hum it to myself, play it over in my head and dance along.

And then I started to wonder - I want to do this with my thoughts and my dreams. Not just have them as gentle wisps existing somehow outside of myself. I want to absorb them within me, begin to know they edges and curves, what is missing, what is already there. I want my dreams to be truly mine, and not have them confused with outside expectations, what people think I should be doing. I want them to be as familiar to me as a favourite shirt or a well-loved book.

What this means for me? I don't really know. But I am enjoying using my blog as a bit more of a sounding board, where my thoughts can come out a bit more.

Do you ever having ideas that you want to grasp a bit more closely?

Love to all who read.

P.S. If you're interested, here is the song I mentioned:

2 comments 2015, goals, rambling, thoughts, very personal ads

A 'Reading More' Toolkit

I decided to do my own little readathon this week, as I have plenty of stuff to get through to finish of the Aurealis nominations and I also have plenty of books from my shelves that I want to get through... And that got me thinking about things I've started doing over my years of book reviewing - little tricks that help me to read more in a smaller amount of time.

Many of my hints will probably be common sense to you, but perhaps some haven't occurred to you yet, or you weren't sure they were necessary (for some people, they may not be...). Either way, I enjoy writing these kinds of posts and I also enjoy reading them on other people's blogs, so do link me to yours if you do one! Anyway, on with my tips and tricks!

1. get comfy
   whether this means grabbing a good blanket or a pillow to prop your book/e-reader of choice on, getting comfy is really important. you're going to find it really hard to disappear into a world if you can't stop focusing on that spring digging into your butt.
2. stay hydrated
   this is something that I see so many people forgetting, regardless of whether they're big readers or not. I've gotten into the habit of preparing myself for writing or reading time by grabbing a huge glass (or, even better, bottle) of water, and usually a large mug or pot of tea before even sitting down to start. That way I just have to remind myself to reach across and I can have drinks nearby. This is also a great way for me to familiarise myself with teas, something I hope to resume reviewing in the future!
3. consider your muscles
   my point for this is twofold: don't waste away or sit in pain. Exercise is still important, and so are regular breaks from reading (your eyes will do better that way). Consider taking breaks to do some gentle stretches or even yoga, or walk to another location to read (I love walking to my local library for this reason!). Don't let needing to read a lot damage your body. My other recommendation here is that, if you suffer from sore or cramping muscles and can't find a comfortable sitting position very often, you should consider investing in a massage ball or something similar (mine is a small, blue, spikey ball) to put behind you and lean on, to slowly work away at pain while you read or work. Mine cost $20 from a sports equipment store.
4. don't forget your eyes!
   and what about those eyes you're forcing across the page or screen in a continuous manner? aside from getting enough sleep, do you think about keeping them healthy? It's actually really difficult now that we use screens pretty much all the time, for almost everything. My eyes get sore a LOT. I try to make a point of taking a break every half hour or so to just stare off into the distance - look outside a window for example, watch traffic or birds or rain. Just give my eyes a break from staring at words and screens all the time. When my eyes get really sore, I use eye drops. Okay, I know, I know - so many people have an issue with eye drops - yes, they can be hard to get in, and it can be unpleasant. But for me, it was just a desensitisation process. Get used to it, and now it's much easier. I just asked at my local chemist for generic eye drops to help with eye strain, and now I have my own pack of individual use drops. :)

and those are my main hints for reading or writing a lot! Sometimes you just got to get down to it, and being prepared like this can save you some pain, and maybe a headache or two (maybe get outside for fresh air sometimes too...). I hope this has been at least entertaining for you, and that you enjoy reading and writing whenever you need to!

Love to all who read.

2 comments books, reading, tips

Being Aware of the Morning

It seems like a good idea to write about routines and such early in the year, when everything still feels fresh and new and exciting. I have written about my morning routine previously here, but I do find that it changes with differing situations - seasons, for example, or where I am sleeping (if I'm on holiday it's different, or if I'm housesitting). My health also plays a large role in what I do each morning.

Lately, for example, I have been having trouble eating breakfast. I am aware that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that humans have trouble concentrating or getting things done if we don't eat in the morning, so I just want to say that I am not looking for advice here. All I know is that I wake up in the morning either in pain, or just generally feeling...un-hungry. And I know that if I force myself to eat, I will just feel worse. So lately I have been focusing on rehydrating in the morning - a big glass of water first, my morning pills next, and then either more water, or tea.

I have been noticing that when my body changes what I consume in the morning, it also changes how I approach my day. For example, now that I am mostly having fluids in the morning, I have been finding it more comforting to head into my study and start reading emails and writing blog posts earlier in the day. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something before my day even starts properly. There is also the advantage of being able to watch youtube videos on my desktop while I enjoy my tea...

I listen to the birds outside my window in the morning, too. Often turtledoves cooing, the odd mudlark or magpie warble, rainbow lorikeets screeching to each other, and, very occasionally, kookaburras announcing their presence (one of my favourite things to listen to). Oh, and how can I forget the chatter of willie wagtails?

In a way, this reminds me of the tranquility and joy I feel whenever I'm in Margaret River. Closer to the wildlife of Australia, closer to myself. And, on that note, I am going to end this rambling post with a photo I took of a fairy wren last time I was in MR (note the female in the background eyeing off the cream). Enjoy!

4 comments rambling, routine

KPop CloseUp #4

Hi again! Welcome to our fourth installment of KPop CloseUp. Today I'm going to start talking about the idea of 'slave contracts' - what this term means in the KPop world, what their existence means, and what's starting to happen in terms of legal action against signing companies.

Just to start, though, I would like to stress that I am not, and never have been, an expert in this field. I am just a fan who has done a little extra research on this sort of thing. I could very definitely be completely wrong about some of the things I'm saying, but I just wanted to write something about this world that so many people I know actually don't know anything about. I will try to list sources as I go, so that you can check them out if you'd like to :)


Okay! First of all - what is meant by the term 'slave contract'? Basically, this is the document that rookie KPop idols sign when they first register with a company. So, companies like SM Entertainment will scout out talent, and then sign them on for the long haul. These contracts have been rumoured to go for up to about 14 years or so, but that could just be conjecture. They do seem to be in it for a decent while, though.
The company will then invest a certain amount into the artist and their group (it's pretty much always a group) - they will get them training, stylists, vocal coaches, food, accommodation, all that jazz - and this is called their 'Break Even Point' or BEP. The thing is, though, the artist themselves hardly ever knows what their BEP is, and they have to pay it off (like students in Australia do with HECS, or you would pay back to a loan shark or bank, but with (hopefully) more of an idea of what you owe) as they work. Many artists are beginning to come out (particularly in 2014) saying that they don't get any of the money that they have earned - it's all going towards paying the salaries of their company and towards paying off their BEP.
The clincher is here, the company can add debt to the BEP at any time. Have you seen how often KPop idols are reinvented for a new 'look'? Each time that happens, their company just loads the debt onto the artist's BEP. The artist themselves is stuck in a cycle of debt, and they don't even have the ability to see a way to dig themselves out. Some artists do get an allowance, but it's nowhere near what they're actually earning.

This is why so many artists - and even entire groups - have been taking their companies to court to demand better conditions for them to work in. In 2014 alone, members from Super Junior and EXO have left, while members from f(x) and SNSD (Girls Generation) have either taken 'long vacations' or been booted out for unknown reasons. Block B sued and left their company for not paying, shortly after joining up with a different company that we can only assume is paying them better. AOA, Boyfriend, and BAP have all said similar things, and BAP is currently in a battle with their company about money.

The first example of all this goes back to 2009, as far as I can tell, with TVXQ. There were originally five members, but three members are now in a separate group called JYJ, while the remaining two have stuck with TVXQ. Apparently there are still tensions between the two groups.

It seems like these contracts that young artists are signing are a lot more than they bargained for, leading them to feeling trapped and worked to death. With a schedule like the one I talked about last week, don't you think you ought to be getting paid for it? Of course, this is just the bad stuff I'm talking about. There could be plenty of companies out there that treat their artists really well - we just keep hearing about the bad ones lately.

For an easier (and better) explanation of everything I just said, I definitely recommend checking out the video below from Eat Your Kimchi. They are an amazing group of people that I love to watch. Much of what I've said above comes from their knowledge - I am still doing my research and am a bit of a newbie to the whole thing.

Next week I will talk a little bit about 'fan control' over idols - and no, I'm not talking about cooling equipment.

Annyeong!

2 comments KPop CloseUp

End of Year Bookish Survey for 2014/2015

Saw this over on Katharine's blog and...stole it :D Hope she won't mind! ^_~ Just some reading wrap-up stuff for you guys to check out~

End of Year Bookish Survey!

2014 Reading Stats

Number Of Books You Read:
126

Number of Re-Reads:
Hmm... >counts< 7 I believe. Mostly so I could read sequels/continuations, but in some cases just because I was craving a reread of something.

Genre You Read The Most From:
Most likely that same as ventureadlaxre: Speculative Fiction.

Best In Book

1. Best Book You Read In 2014?
Goodness, they give you tough questions early in this! I'm going to go with A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. That book just hit me hard.

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going To Love More But Didn’t?
Winner's Curse by Marie Rutkoski.

3. Most surprising (in a good way or bad way) book you read in 2014?
Fortune's Pawn by Rachel Bach - in fact, that whole trilogy. I did not expect to fall in love with those characters.

4. Book You “Pushed” The Most People To Read (And They Did) In 2014?
Virtually anything by Juliet Marillier.

5. Best series you started in 2014? Best Sequel of 2014? Best Series Ender of 2014?
Best series: Blackthorn and Grim series by Juliet Marillier
Best sequel: Not exactly a sequel, but Lullabies by Lang Leav
Best finale: Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor (keeping this the same!)

6. Favorite new author you discovered in 2014?
Ohhhh another hard one...I'm gonna go with Lucy Knisley. I just fell in love with her graphic novels.

7. Best book from a genre you don’t typically read/was out of your comfort zone?
Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

8. Most action-packed/thrilling/unputdownable book of the year?
Action Packed: Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard (to be released in 2015, read in 2014)
Unnputdownable: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

9. Book You Read In 2014 That You Are Most Likely To Re-Read Next Year?
H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald

10. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2014?

Prickle Moon by Juliet Marillier (art by Ravenari)

11. Most memorable character of 2014?
Helen from H is for Hawk. Which is... interesting. Just amazingly written.

12. Most beautifully written book read in 2014?
as stars fall by Christie Nieman

13. Most Thought-Provoking/ Life-Changing Book of 2014?
The Sculptor by Scott McCloud (to be released in 2015, read in 2014)

14. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2014 to finally read?
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From A Book You Read In 2014?
I don't have any one stand-out passage or quote. Just a general feeling of inspiration.

16.Shortest & Longest Book You Read In 2014?
Longest: The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear at 704 pages.
Shortest: The Velveteen Rabbit at 40 pages.

17. Book That Shocked You The Most
The Slow Regard of Silent Things by Patrick Rothfuss, simply by how different and yet fascinating it was.

18. OTP OF THE YEAR (you will go down with this ship!)
I'm not entirely sure, but my first thought was Simon and Meg from Anne Bishop's The Others books. Just because... they make me laugh and feel along with them? And kind of at them...

19. Favorite Non-Romantic Relationship Of The Year
Hmm, the one I was going to write might be a kind-of sort-of spoiler for some, so I will just go with Deviana and Hyrek from the Paradox trilogy by Rachel Bach.

20. Favorite Book You Read in 2014 From An Author You’ve Read Previously
Dreamer's Pool by Juliet Marillier

21. Best Book You Read In 2014 That You Read Based SOLELY On A Recommendation From Somebody Else/Peer Pressure:
H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald. The fact that I won a copy from my friend's blog may have helped...

22. Newest fictional crush from a book you read in 2014?
Rupert from the Paradox trilogy is pretty lovely...

23. Best 2014 debut you read?
The Young World by Chris Weitz was pretty good...

24. Best Worldbuilding/Most Vivid Setting You Read This Year?
Seraphina by Rachel Hartman. Can't wait to get my hands on book two.

25. Book That Put A Smile On Your Face/Was The Most FUN To Read?
Relish: My Life in the Kitchen by Lucy Knisley

26. Book That Made You Cry Or Nearly Cry in 2014?
This Shattered World (Starbound #2) by Amie Kaufman and Megan Spooner

27. Hidden Gem Of The Year?
Toyo by Lily Chan

28. Book That Crushed Your Soul?
The Ghosts of Heaven by Marcus Sedgwick

29. Most Unique Book You Read In 2014?
Death and the Penguin by Andrey Kurkov

30. Book That Made You The Most Mad (doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t like it)?
Daughters of the Storm by Kim Wilkins - just, some of the girls in that... OH MY GOODNESS. GET A CLUE. Enjoyed the book, though.

Blogging/ Bookish life

1. New favourite book blog you discovered in 2014?
I'm going to go with booktuber here, instead, as I don't often read book blogs. I really loved The Gwendolyn Reading Method this year. She's so bright and bubbly, and she reads a LOT, and is unafraid to read paranormal romance and other romance that some might consider 'trashy'. Sure, it's trashy, but it's pretty damn fun anyway!

2. Favourite review that you wrote in 2014?
I like reading, I like writing book reviews. I don't really have a favourite review, though.

3. Best discussion/non-review post you had on your blog?
Uhm, I personally liked my Spoonie Diary posts, and also my new series on KPop Idols :3

4. Best event that you participated in (author signings, festivals, virtual events, memes, etc.)?
I went to a small book lunch for Juliet Marillier's book Dreamer's Pool and loooved it. She was lovely, and I managed to complete my collection of her books. Plus, time with a dear friend. Win!

5. Best moment of bookish/blogging life in 2014?
Basically any time a publisher sent me a book...

7. Most Popular Post This Year On Your Blog (whether it be by comments or views)?
This has remained the same for years: my T2 Melbourne Breakfast Review. Maybe I need to get back into reviewing teas?

8. Post You Wished Got A Little More Love?
I don't get that many comments, so I can't really tell for sure which posts are more loved than others. I am just grateful when people read :)

9. Best bookish discovery (book related sites, book stores, etc.)?
Found a few new booktubers that I like, but otherwise not a huge amount of new stuff. :)

10. Did you complete any reading challenges or goals that you had set for yourself at the beginning of this year?
I finished my goodreads challenge, but that's about it! 

Looking Ahead

1. One Book You Didn’t Get To In 2014 But Will Be Your Number 1 Priority in 2015?
Two books - I am trying to complete the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, so I am currently reading The Battle of the Labyrinth (book 4) and want to read The Last Olympian (book 5).

2. Book You Are Most Anticipating For 2015 (non-debut)?
There's a few, but I will go with Shadow Scale by Rachel Hartman.

3. 2015 Debut You Are Most Anticipating?
I don't really have one O_o

4. Series Ending/A Sequel You Are Most Anticipating in 2015?
Series ending: Winter by Marissa Meyer
Sequel: Hidden Huntress by Danielle L. Jensen

5. One Thing You Hope To Accomplish Or Do In Your Reading/Blogging Life In 2015?
Read more of the books I own, and get that number down a bit! Blog more in general.

6. A 2015 Release You’ve Already Read & Recommend To Everyone:
The Sculptor by Scott McCloud.

2 comments book review, books, reading challenge 2014

Bethwyn's 2015 Manifesto~

I often set goals for myself, or dreams, or challenges. I don't always like those words, and I don't always do them. I also don't always wait for a new year to set goals for myself, as I find some of the best goals come to you halfway through the year, when you're hibernating during Winter (well...in the Southern Hemisphere, anyway).

But there are a few things that I would like to try in 2015, and I'd like to make myself a little more accountable - thus, announcing them on my blog. Hmm.

Challenge #1: Don't buy new.

Okay, so what do I mean by this? I'm talking about clothes here. I find I buy clothes from different places and then feel frustrated with myself for buying new when I know I enjoy op-shopping a lot more. I also don't always know whether I am supporting some sort of sweat-shop or such-like when I buy new from places like Myer and Target. I am working on being more informed in this way and 'voting with my money', as it were.
So, I want to only buy clothes from op-shops this year.
There will be exceptions, including underwear-type-things, and socks/stockings/tights, because reasons. But I am aiming to buy those kinds of things from Australian businesses that are transparent about where their cloth comes from and their labor. I am currently loving my sole (pun intended) pair of Ghostly Label socks, and am lusting after a few others for when the weather cools down again...

Ghostly Label goodness

I may also make exceptions for beautiful dresses that I have been lusting after over on Etsy, for example, as long as I can pinpoint where they came from and who they were made by. :)

Challenge #2: Good things come in threes.

I recently did a count of how many physical books I have on my shelves at home (that is, ones I OWN) that are unread. The total, on the 27th of December 2014, was 191 unread books. One hundred and ninety one. Yes, I agree, that's a little ridiculous. I know there are plenty of other people that have way more, and also plenty with wayyyy less, so I am not beating myself up about this. I'm just getting proactive about it.
Here is my challenge: for every three books I read off of my shelf (I will keep a list), I will gain one 'book buying token' (actually just a crystal that I put in a bowl to keep track) to symbolise that I may now buy a new book. This doesn't mean I HAVE to buy a new book, nor does it mean that I can just go buy a book willy-nilly without making space in my budget for such spending (yes, I budget), it just means that I have earned the right to buy a book. It's like a book buying ban, but with little tokens of loopholes.
I'm trying very hard to get my TBR pile down a bit this year, and with the Aurealis Awards finishing up soon I may actually be able to do that. I've already finished off four books from my shelves since the 27th, so I am feeling fairly positive at the moment.

Note: I have also added another proviso that if I pick up a book from my shelf to read and I don't want to read it, or find myself not enjoying it, I must either donate it or sell it. The majority of my books can be borrowed out of the library at a later date if it turns out I really MUST read it, so no harm done.

Plus, to be honest, I'm kind of lusting after these bookmarks more than any book at the moment...

find them here

...or, you know, pretty much any of the bookmarks from the craftedvan etsy store... (Psst! Katharine, if you're reading this, they have Sherlock ones!!)

Challenge #3: Health things.

This one is a little less thought-out than the others. Basically, 2014 was the year of 'trying to find out what the heck is going on in my body', and, at times, it kind of blew. It meant putting my health, and my heart/hope, in other people's hands sometimes, and that was hard. Sometimes they would be caring and gentle, even if they couldn't help me, and other times I wondered why they even bothered. I'm not saying I'm giving up on the medical world - not at all - I'm just going to listen to my own body a bit more, and experiment with diet changes and sleeping changes, and even exercise, by myself for a little while. All of my nice doctors have been saying that it's really more of a maintenance thing than a 'finding a cure' thing, and I want to try that.

So, 2015 is going to be a year of research and experimentation. It's going to be a year of 'let food be thy medicine' and exploring health food stores like they're made of candy. And it's going to be the year I return to swimming and yoga more than before. I still do yoga at home, but not very often, and I really want it to be more present in my days. And swimming? Something I have always adored. I am a water baby - always have been. But I stopped doing it because it was too hard, and then I built some social phobias around that, so I just stopped trying altogether. This year, I'm heading back. Xin is going to help me out past the first few hurdles, and then I'm going to build a routine for myself as much as I can. Please feel free to send pictures of swimmers rocking it, or platypuses, or other creatures being graceful in the water. They will be little messages of support for me.

source

Actually... I think I may have just discovered my totem animal for 2015. Yeh platypus.

Challenge #4: Doing the worky-work thing.

Ah... talking about less thought-out... I just started applying for jobs again. Yes, I'm still sick. Yes, I'm still unable to work outside my house for very long because of countless symptoms that come up. But I'm trying. I'm mostly looking for work that I can do from home, and I'm working on establishing myself as a freelance writer/blogger/book reviewer (a wordsmith ^_~), but it's long-going and it's a little daunting. But I sense that I need to start trying, so that's what I'm going to do. If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments below.

That's it from me! I have many other goals and ideas for 2015, but they will be written down in my workbook and kept just for me for a while, I think. I honestly am not very good at keeping my blog updated on yearly goals, so that may be best.

What about you guys? Anything in particular you want to do in 2015? Love to all who read.

6 comments 2015, dreams, goals, manifesto

Goodbye 2014.

I know plenty of other people have already written their 2014 wrap-ups and talked about what they want for 2015, but I just wasn't ready. I have acknowledged that the new year is upon us, but I have been unable to process exactly what last year meant to me. To a certain extent, I still can't process it.

A small attempt...
2014 was the year I...
~finally traveled to Japan and realised that it was everything I had hoped, and also something different from that.
~got engaged to my dear, sweet Xin.
~had two hospital procedures, and discovered more about what my conditions are, and what they aren't.
~dragged myself through a difficult semester and finally made the decision to try and finish my degree online, and give myself a bit of a break (hopefully).


2014 felt really painful at times, but the happy parts completely won out in the end. I had many moments of feeling lost within myself this year, but I worked hard at finding out what was physically wrong with me. This remains a frustrating venture, and I feel for anyone who is going through long lists of specialists or drugs to try and find something that works. Often, when you are chronically ill, it feels like one step forward and two steps back (or, on the really bad days, one step forward and a freaking huge leap back). This can be really disheartening, to be honest. And that is why I kind of decided about three weeks ago that enough was enough - I needed to rest and recuperate and remember why I was doing all this. I'm still working on that, but I'm almost at a point where I feel like I could maybe pick myself back up and keep going.

2014 wasn't a hugely transformative year for me, aside from my trip to Japan in February. When I think back on it, I just feel grateful for the time I was given to rest, to spend time with those I loved, and to work on myself a little more. I have plans for 2015, for sure, but I acknowledge that sometimes plans go a bit awry and you just have to accept that.

Whatever 2015 brings, I say thank you to 2014 for the gifts and lessons it gave me, and I release the pain it brought.

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{2014} December Reading

Books bought:
~ Saga Vol. 4 by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples

Books received:
Aurealis Awards...
~ Dreamer's Pool by Juliet Marillier
~ This Shattered World by Amie Kaufman and Megan Spooner
~ The Caller by Juliet Marillier
~ Clariel by Garth Nix
~ Book of Days by K.A. Barker
~ The Cracks in the Kingdom by Jaclyn Moriarty
~ Afterworld by Lynnette Lounsbury

Review books...
~ Princess Decomposia and Count Spatula by Andi Watson
~ The Sculptor by Scott McCloud
~ Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

gifts...
~ Kaleidoscope edited by Alisa Krasnostein
~ I am a Cat by Soseki Natsume
~ The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater
~ All the Light we Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
~ The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami
~ Written in Red by Anne Bishop
~ A Trifle Dead by Livia Day
~ Pantomime by Laura Lam


Books read:
~ Bespelled by Dani Kristoff (AA)
~ Pickles and Ponies by Laura May (AA)
~ Impossible Magic by J.F.R. Coates (AA)
~ Altaica by Tracy M. Joyce (AA)
~ Immagica by K.A. Last (AA)
~ Raven Stone by A.K. Gallagher (AA)
~ The Scales of Time by Josephine Crakovic (AA)
~ Uncle Adolf by Craig Cormick (AA)
~ The Other Shore by Hoa Pham (AA)
~ This Shattered World by Amie Kaufman and Megan Spooner (AA)
~ Princess Decomposia and Count Spatula by Andi Watson (R)
~ More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops by Jen Campbell
~ The Sculptor by Scott McCloud (R)
~ Saga Vol. 4 by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples
~ The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami
~ Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard (R)
~ Daughters of the Storm by Kim Wilkins (AA)

Phew! I actually started writing this post thinking I hadn't really read that much this month, but once I started looking through my goodreads and my little notebook, I realised that was a bit of a lie. XD This month was pretty good!

First of all, I must address the fact that I bought a book during my book buying ban. I know. For shame! But I actually don't feel that guilty about it because I have still been really good and just waiting around for Christmas and thinking about the books I was getting then (I knew I was getting at least a couple) helped me to feel okay about not buying any for myself. Plus, Saga Vol. 4 came out and both Xin and I really wanted to read it so... *shrugs*

Anyway, onto what I read! Quite a few Aurealis books this month! 11 in total I believe, unless my counting is off. We really are getting to the pointy end of things with the awards now so I am picking up my reading pace to keep up with the other people on my panel. I have a little counter on the blog that I am trying to keep updated, too, so you can see where I'm at. A couple of the ones I read this month were real surprises, so that was good.

A few review books came through for me this month, too. Two that I had previously requested from First Second Books (Princess Decomposia and The Sculptor) arrived to squeals of excitement from me, and immediate reading even though I need to save my reviews until closer to their release dates next year. Red Queen was a surprise that turned up on my doorstep, and a welcome surprise at that. Again, have to save the review for that one, too.

I am super excited about my gift haul for this month - Christmas was kind to me this year. My dear friend Katharine from ventureadlaxre gifted me with three books that I squealed over. I immediately picked up Kaleidoscope when it arrived as I had heard such good things about it, but am slowly working my way through it. The other two (A Trifle Dead and Pantomime) are sitting eagerly on my TBR list, waiting for their chance.

I have been thinking about reading challenges and such for next year, and have come up with one that makes me a little excited and hopefully will help ease the pressure of my TBR list, too. I will dedicate a separate post to that, though, so you can check it out.

What are you reading at the moment? Did you get any good books for Christmas?

Love to all who read.

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